Living For Him

Micah's brother's wedding

2011-05-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Last week was Zack and Lacey's wedding in Destin FL. At the last minute we decided to take Isaac with us as well as Naomi. The other boys stayed at our house with Grandma and Grandpa because it would be such a long trip and we didn't want Peter to miss too much therapy.

The kids did great on the 2 day trip down there. We brought the rain with us. There was a really bad storm the afternoon and evening of the rehearsal dinner. We had the dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. There were only 11 people there, not including Zack and Lacey.

The day of the wedding was gorgeous. We spent the morning down at the beach. Oh and Micah and I walked along the beach late the night before in the moonlight. It was very romantic. The water on Saturday was a little rougher than usual because of the storm the night before but it was still calmer than the Atlantic. The water was also pretty warm. I think the gulf is my favorite place to go to the beach.

Naomi mainly stayed with Mamaw under the umbrella. We did dip her feet in for a bit and she didn't mind it at all. At first Isaac was scared of the water but soon he was loving it and didn't want to get out.

We all ate lunch at McAllister's Deli and then it was time to get ready for the wedding. We thought they were getting married on a private beach. But it turned out to be a public beach. There were people sunbathing and building sandcastles just 10-15 feet away. There were 2 other weddings going on right next to Zack and Lacey's. One right before and one right after. There were about 18 people at the wedding. It was definitely the smallest wedding I've ever been to. It was gorgeous though.

The reception was on a boat and was fun and different. It got dark a little over an hour after getting on so you almost forgot you were on a boat. The boat had 3 levels. The first level was another wedding party, the second level was ours, and the third level was a small top deck open to the air. The first 2 levels were completly enclosed. It was actually very windy and chilly that night so we didn't spend much time outside on the boat, which was a little disappointing. They had one DJ for both weddings. There was a brief time when you could dance but the dance floor was on the first level and no one wanted to dance in front of the other wedding party and total strangers. I think it was the first wedding I had been to where there was no dancing. There also wasn't a bouquet toss because the only single girl there was Naomi. =)

The boat didn't get back to the harbor till 10. But Isaac did so well. He even played a bit with the other little boy who was there. Naomi slept through the entire reception which was great! When we got back to the dock we walked down a ways and then all lit sparklers and Zack and Lacey ran through them.

The next morning we went out to eat with Micah's parents at Cracker Barrel. Then just Micah and I took Isaac down to the beach one last time. We didn't put him in a bathing suit because we couldn't stay down there long. So we just walked along the beach and got our feet wet. Then it was time to go. I really wish we could have stayed longer.

The kids did really great on the trip back too but a little crankier because the trip was so tiring.
But all in all we had fun and it was a beautiful ceremony.

2011-05-03T20:53:00.000-07:00

Peter's meeting went well. He will get 9 more hours of therapy starting in June. And the community outings can start immediately!!

Isaac is such a sweet brother. He played peek-a-boo with Naomi today, except he got it backwards. He covered her eyes instead of his. =)

I think I need to start making goals for myself and only work on one goal at a time. I've tried to change things in the past and I've either tried to change too many things at once, or tried to change too much of one thing. So I am going to have mini goals and only work on one at a time till it becomes a habit. I am going to have spiritual, family, and personal goals.

2011-05-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

Peter has said many more sentences this week and a ton of them spontaneously. There is some good news with regards to his therapy. They are going to be increasing his hours. He will either be getting 24 or 21 hours now. And the best news of all is they are going to let him start doing therapy outside the home! I couldn't be more excited about getting out more. He has a big progress meeting tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how everyone thinks he is doing.

Oh and I heard Naomi's first laugh the other day. I was doing raspberries on her belly. Of course she hasn't done it since. =)

2011-04-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

I find myself thinking more and more that I am not a good mom. I am sure every mom has these thoughts from time to time. I think I need to cut myself some slack though. Most moms do not have 4 under 4, two with special needs. I want so badly to be a good mom. I see my weaknesses but have a hard time changing. Once again I think this goes back to not being in the Word enough and a prayer life that needs work.

But in the past few days the Lord has given me some signs that I am not doing as badly as I think I am. Today I heard Peter use a full sentence for the first time! He has used them before in therapy but this is the first time I heard it. He said, "I want cracker." I am so excited!

I have mainly felt I have not been doing well with teaching the children about God. Well the other day I said to Isaac, "God made everything" and he said, "God made Isaac.". Instead of just repeating me he started to name a whole bunch of things that God made and said, "God is everywhere." Then yesterday I was talking with him about Baptism and said, "It is something you do when you believe in Jesus.". Then he said, "God made everything." So he associates God with Jesus.

Ian has become more interested in praying. He'll now say "Dear God" at the beginning and try to repeat what daddy is saying.

Little Naomi is doing more things now. At the beginning of the month she started squealing when she's really happy. I think we will start hearing laughs soon. And last week she learned how to grab things.

She is such a joy to have around. She loves watching her brothers and their antics. She scares really easily though. Especially when one of the boys gets upset. She has the most pitiful expression and will stick her bottom lip out.

Finally Some Photos!

2011-04-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

Peter at Easter

Naomi

Ian wearing someone's boots

Big yawn! =)

Isaac and Ian being silly

Ian's second birthday party. He couldn't shove the cake into his mouth fast enough. =)

Not the most flattering pic of me but I love Naomi's smile in this photo

Just after a bath

Our attempt at a family photo

2011-02-22T18:03:00.000-08:00

This past weekend we went to go visit Micah's parents. It was a whirlwind of a weekend but it was great. Like always it was too short.

Amazingly Naomi made it the whole way there without having to eat. She is definitely our easiest baby ever.

Saturday we had pictures done and they turned out better than I thought they would. The boys all behaved.

Afterwards we went out to eat with Micah's parents and his brother Zack and our sister-in-law Lacey.

Sunday we went to our old church, First Baptist Church of Flatwoods. We hadn't told anyone that we were coming so it was a good surprise. There were a lot of people missing but hopefully we'll get to see them next time.

After church we all went over to Micah's grandmother's for lunch. Then I went over to see my friend Pam. I was so excited because we would finally get to meet each others babies. I stayed there for 2-3 hours and could have stayed there much longer but finally it was time to go. I miss her so much but at least I will get to see her everytime we go to visit Micah's parents.

When I got back Micah said his aunt Shirley wanted to have us over for a little bit. Her grandkids, our kids second cousins, Caroline and Benjamin were staying with them. It was chaos as all the kids ran around with each other but it was lots of fun. I can't wait till all the cousins get together at Zack and Lacey's wedding reception.

It felt like the weekend was over in the blink of an eye. Micah's dad cried again when we left. It breaks my heart. The boys miss their Papaw so much.

Happy 2nd Birthday Ian!

2011-02-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

My sweet Ian turned 2 today. And I swear he knew it was coming because all of a sudden he has become more defiant. He has such a strong will. Sometimes I grow weary if disciplining him but I know it is better to deal with it now than later.

We just had a party with family. With just having a baby I wanted to keep it simple. He doesn't even know the difference now anyway. My parents were here to celebrate with us.

We had been practicing blowing out candles with him for a while. We would draw a cake on the magna doodle and then tell him to blow out the candles and just erase the flame. He got such a kick out of it and loved to blow out the imaginary candles. So I was so
excited for his birthday to come so I could watch him blow out the candles. But he didn't even care about the candles, he just wanted to eat the cake. =)

He says so many cute things now and I want to record some of them so I don't forget.

Ha-gin-da-gin: Helicopter
May-no-me: Naomi
Uh why: Butterfly
Just ones: fruit snacks and M&Ms. He calls them this because MaMaw and PaPaw had a tin of M&Ms sitting out and I told him he could have "just one" so that's what he thought they were called. LOL
Jayden: Doggie
Boonana: Banana

2011-01-11T18:12:00.000-08:00

If you had told me 6 years ago that I would be the mother of 4 children, I probably would have laughed. But on Dec. 29th 2010 I gave birth to our 4th child, sweet Naomi. I had always said that 3 children was the most I wanted to have. And I certainly never imagined I would have my children so close together. But I couldn't imagine my life without them and I cherish them all.

But I certainly don't feel up to the task of raising 4 children, 2 with special needs. I feel like I have not done a very good job. Why would God bless me with 4 when I feel like I haven't even raised my 1st 2 properly. Perhaps it is just another way God is trying to get me to rely on Him and not my own strength.

I am always trying to improve my paretning, which is a good thing. But if I am not right with God myself, then all my efforts will be for nothing.

Like most people I have never done well with making and sticking with New Years resolutions. But if I had to make one it would be to grow closer to God this year than I ever have before. My children will never learn to love God if they don't see a love for God in me.

Naomi's Birth Story

2010-12-31T22:18:00.000-08:00

I started feeling like something was up Dec 28. I started to get what I thought was increased discharge. Turns out it was probably my water slowly leaking. I thought several times that maybe I should call in and tell them what was going on but I felt ok so I decided just to wait and see what would happen. Around 5:30 am the next morning, the 29th, I woke up to a pretty strong contraction. I pretty much knew it was labor after only a half hour. The contractions were already pretty intense and coming 4 minutes apart. Also, although the pain would let up a little between contractions, it never fully went away like all the books say it does. I told Micah he could go to work because I thought I was in early labor and that I had several hours till I would need to go to the hospital. Well I ended up calling him just 10 mins after he left, around 8:20. I felt like I needed to go in as the contractions were getting hard to deal with. Strangely the docs office told me to come into the office instead of labor and delivery. I think they doubted like I was really in labor because I sounded so calm. I have a really high pain tolerance though. So I got to the office and they told me the doc wasn't there yet, that she was finishing something up. I was a little annoyed because by this time I was in a considerable amount of pain. Finally i just couldn't take it anymore and asked if I could just go down to labor and delivery. A nurse took us down there. We got to the desk and I had a pretty big contraction that I couldn't even talk through and it took everything in me to deal with it. I started to feel sick and they got me a pail and I threw up. I should have known then that I was in transition but I thought I was probably only a few centimeters dialated. They took me to a room and it felt like an eternity till people started coming in although it was only a few minutes. They checked me and I was at a 6 already. That is exactly what happened with the twins. Although I ended up with a csection, my water broke and when I got to the hospital I was a 6. I guess I go through the early stage of labor quickly. They asked if I wanted an epidural and i said YES mainly because the lain wasn't letting up between contractions. I think if I had any sort of break I might have tried it without one. While they were getting someone to do the epidural they gave me some drugs in my IV to take the edge off. I know a lot of ladies say those drugs make them feel strange, I actually liked them. I got the epidural and it took a little bit to take effect but once it did I was so happy. Right before they gave me the epidural they checked me and I was an 8. So I guess i progress pretty quickly. The doc said I should rest and she would come back to check me in an hour. I was checked again and I was still an 8. At this point my water broke all the way. She waited another couple hours and then checked me again and siad I was a 10. I couldn't believe it. I didn't feel a thing, not even pressure. This was around 2:45. So then they got everything set up for me to start pushing. Pushing was a lot harder than I expected and I never got the urge to push that some women say they get. By this time my epidural had worn off a bit so I could feel some of the pain again but in hindsight that was probably a good thing. I pushed for over an hour and the doc asked if I would like her to try the vacuum since Naomi wasn't coming down past a certain push. The doc made it clear that this would be the last few tries before a csection. They were worried about uterine rupture since I've had 2 previous csections. Also i had started running a fever because I was starting to get an infection from when my water had broken. I wasn't about to make it this far only to end up with another section. So I gave it all I had and in just a few pushes with the vacuum Naomi was born at 4:14pm. They laid her immediately on my chest which was amazing. I had never gotten to experience that before with my csections. I started crying and telling her we did it. They took to the other side of the room to be checked out by the NICU because she was technically premature. She was born at 36wks 5days. She also had a fever so they said they were going to have to take her down to the NICU to monitor her for 24hrs. =(. Thankfully though they checked her one last time before they took her down and her fever was gone! That was totally God. He let my little girl stay with me. I still couldn't believe I had a girl. Turns out I tore pretty badly, a 4th degree tear. It took 3 people an hour to sew me up. Ouch!! I also ended up needing a blood transfusion because I lost so much blood from the tears. But overall it was a wonderful birth and I would do it all again for my precious baby girl.

Pregnancy Update

2010-11-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

Right now I am 2 days away from being 29 weeks. And so far this pregnancy has been going great and has been my easiest pregnancy so far. Although I did get some morning sickness it wasn't bad at all and started later. I'm feeling much less aches and pains, am not swollen at all and there is no sign of the pre-eclampsia I had with Ian thank goodness. My due date is Jan 21st but I have a feeling I will go early like my last 2 pregnancies. Although this time I hope to at least make it to term. All my babies have been premies so far.

We wanted to find out what we were having and much to my surprise we are having a girl! After haivng 3 boys I couldn't believe it. I still can't and even feel that once I see her it will take me a while to fully grasp that I have a daughter. I am over the moon but also a little nervous. All I know is boys so it will be an adjustment.

Another wonderful thing is that I have found an OB practice that is going to let me try a VBAC even though I have had 2 sections. I am so excited by this chance. But I am not holding my breath because they said the baby needs to be head down and no pre-eclampsia. I'm not worried about the head down part because Ian was head down and if I am reading her movements right she is already head down. But the pre-eclampsia has me worried. It can show up without warning at any time and once you have had it you have a greater chance
of getting it again. But I have entrusted this delivery to the Lord. He knows what I would like to happen but he also knows what is best for me and the baby.

Oh and her name will be Naomi Joy. Only 11 more weeks until we get to meet her!

Hello Pittsburgh!

2010-10-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I've written and a lot has happened. When we found out that Peter had autism we were determined to get him the help he needed. I had read lots of great things about ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis). About 50% of kids who do this therapy recover completely. So we knew we wanted to try this for Peter. Well there are not many places to get this therapy and it is expensive. Many families pay upwards of $40,000 a year to pay for it! It is usually not covered by insurance. KY recently (within the past 5 months) passed a law that insurance has to cover this therapy. And they just started offering ABA at an agency close to our house. But I have had very bad experiences with that agency, as have others. Also, since it is so new I am worried they don't have enough experience. I knew exactly what I wanted from an ABA program and I knew they couldn't provide it.

So we did a lot of research on which states had the best programs and we found that Indiana, Arizona, Pennsylvania and Ohio had some of the best. So Micah started looking for jobs in those states. We were willing to pack up the family and move even though it would mean leaving family and friends. Well in August Micah got a call about a job in Pittsburgh. So we put our house on the market. We were a little nervous because of how the market has been. God provided in the most amazing way! Our house sold in 24 hours for our asking price! It was a cash offer, no inspection asked for. We were thrilled. God also provided a place to live through someone in a church we were going to join up there for rent that was much lower than surrounding places.

We have lived here a month now and we really like the city. It feels good to
live in a bigger place. I discovered that I am definitely not a small town person. There is so much to do here, every one is really friendly, we love our neighborhood and have a small yard, we can walk everywhere, have a great church we are going to, and Peter
is going to get the help he needs! Praise God!

3 New Family Members

2010-06-03T03:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been forever since I've posted. A lot of things have happened. I'll just have to play catchup.

One thing we are really excited about is my brother-in-law got engaged a couple weeks ago! He has been dating this girl for 3 years and we were kind of all expecting they would get married someday. She is a sweet girl and we are excited to have her in our family. She adores the boys. The wedding is going to be sometime next summer. They really want to have it on a beach but haven't decided on the exact location yet. Here is a picture of the happy couple (sorry it is so blurry):

The other new family member isn't really an official member of our family but we sort of consider him one. Micah and I decided to sponsor a child from a ministry called Allow The Children. It is a ministry similar to Compasion International. They have a lot of countries that you can sponsor children from. Here is a picture of the child we are sponsoring:

Thought it might not be good to post his name but he is from Nepal and is about 5 years old. His parents are leaders in a church there and his father is currently trying to translate scripture into a local tribal language. He has one younger sibling.

I'm not sure if we can send letters to him or not but I would love to do that. We will have to find that out.

As for the third new family member, we are leaving today to drive up to New York for my cousins wedding. She is my age and has been dating her fiance for at least 4 years. We are so excited for them and also excited to see so many family members we haven't seen in forever! Her and her sister haven't even seen the boys yet! That's how long it has been since we've been up there. So we can't wait for them to meet our little guys. It is going to be a bit of a rough trip though. We leave today for my parents house (a trip that takes 9hrs with all the stops we need to make). We'll spend the night there. Drive up to New York on Friday (a 6hr trip). The wedding is Saturday. Drive back to my parents on Sunday (6hrs again) and then back to our house on Monday (9hrs again). That's 30 hrs of driving! Not looking forward to that part but it will be worth it.

Shock of My Life!

2010-05-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

One of my friends called me the day after Mother's Day to tell me she was pregnant. She has been dealing with infertility for 10 years! They have a sweet boy they adopted from India. A pregnancy wasn't even on their radar since they had been trying so long. They had even started looking into the adoption process again for a siblng for him. Talk about a shock. She got her positive test on Mother's Day. What a perfect gift.

I started joking with her that maybe we could be pregnant together. I was late starting my next cycle but I didn't think much of it until she called. We wanted another child but not for at least a couple more years. But something in the back of my mind told me to pick up a pregnancy test. I kept thinking I was being silly the whole drive to the store and back and that it couldn't possibly be positive. Micah was already asleep when I got back. It is better if you take the tests in the morning but I couldn't wait till then. The first line showed up but then nothing. Just when I was beginning to feel silly for wasting money on the test a second line showed up! I couldn't believe my eyes.

I am ashamed to say I cried and not tears of joy. It has been very stressful around here lately with 3 kids under 3 and Peter's recent diagnosis. We had been planning that I would start doing some therapy with Peter. But with a pregnancy and new baby that is going to be impossible. I feel like I've let Peter down. I am trying to remind myself that this is all part of God's plan and that this whole situation is in his hands.

I am not sad anymore but I can't say I am excited either. I think it will be a while till that comes. But I know that it will.

Mothers Day, Precious Moments, & A Project

2010-05-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been forever since my last post. We have had a lot going on.

Mothers Day was good this year. A few years ago Micah and I agreed that we wouldn't give each other gifts on any holidays, not even Christmas. We don't give each other birthday gifts either. Instead we save up and take a little mini trip each year for our anniversary. And we hope that for our 10th anniversary we might be able to take a week long trip. So this Mothers Day was pretty much like any other day although I did get a card from Micah and the boys.

That made me start thinking that there are precious moments in every day that I cherish. Here are 3 of my favorites:

1) When I first greet the boys in the morning and they give me huge smiles and Isaac yells, "Hi!!"

2) When I get Ian up from his nap every afternoon and we have about 10 minutes of just snuggling time. I'm trying to enjoy this because I know that pretty soon he won't want to do that anymore.

3) Right before bedtime when Micah and boys chase each other around the house and wrestle. I love to hear the squealing laughter as they all run down the hall.

In this way, every day is Mothers Day for me.

___________________________________________________________________

And now for the project. When Peter was diagnosed with Autism I knew that God wanted me to do something with. To use it for good and not just sit around and mope all day. So I prayed and I felt like he was leading me to start a special needs ministry at our church. And it has been confirmed to me over and over in so many ways.

The first thing I want to do is start a support group for parents of special needs children. Just a place where parents can meet others who have walked in their shoes and have a safe place to vent feelings and build relationships.

The seed has been planted. We are going to hold it once a month in the evening. Next week I am going to see if anyone from our church will volunteer to provide childcare if any of the parents have to bring their children, then we will set a date for the first meeting, and advertise it.

I can't wait to see where this goes and what God does through this. I have no idea what I'm doing and am just trusting that God will give me the words to say when the time comes.

I would love for other ministries to branch off of this such as: finding someone who knows sign language who can translate the service, providing respite care so that parents of these children can get a much needed night out, perhaps running errands/getting groceries for some of these families who find that getting out of the house can be a huge ordeal, etc....

One step at a time.

Very, VERY Late Easter Post

2010-04-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

Well better late than never. =) We had a wonderful Easter! The best I've had in a long time. We were able to go down to Atlanta to visit with some of Micahs family that lives down there. Some other members of his family came down to celebrate with us. We had his grandmother, 4 aunts and their husbands, 3 cousins and their husbands, and 7 children under the age of 3. It was a blast.

We drove down on Friday and on Saturday took the kids to the aquarium. It didn't go too well. The kids were only interested for the first 15 minutes and then were quickly bored. I think they just wanted out of the strollers to run around. Don't think we will be taking them to another place like that for a few years. I think they were still too young to appreciate it. But the adults enjoyed it. =) We then had a big lunch at his aunts house. So much good food.

On Sunday we were able to go to Charles Stanleys church. I've never seen a church building that big and I swear the parking lot was so big they should have had it color coded so you could remember where you parked. =) The music there was phenomenal. Then after the kids took a long nap we took them all to the park and they had fun getting dirty and running around. We drove back home Monday wishing we could have stayed longer. And now a few pictures.

The Easter Egg Hunt

Ian did so well. I am still amazed at how fast he is doing things. Isaac and Peter still couldn't walk when they were his age.

When you gotta go, you gotta go!

At the park

Everyone could use more fiber in their diet

Playing in the sand with their cousin Caroline

More cousins

Micahs cousin Hannah and her husband

Cousins getting ready to sing a easter song

Bunny bread

One of the rare times I was able to catch a picture of Peter smiling.

Joy Comes With the Morning

2010-04-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't been writing lately because I've been in a funk. I am still grappling with this new normal. Autism has taken us to places we never wanted to go both figuratively and literally (will elaborate on this in another post).

I think it is important to take time to grieve, to think, to pray, to cry, etc... So many (many Christians included) think that we as Christians shouldn't ever dispair or don't ever dispair. That if we were trully leaning on God we would be able to be strong throughout the entire length of our suffering. I've had others imply that to me.

Really? Where does the Bible ever say that if you are leaning on God you will never be upset or angry (even angry at God)? Or that you shouldn't be so upset.

Can you see the bunny?

The Bible is filled with many very godly men and women who were brought low by their suffering. Who wailed and were angry. Who even dispaired of life itself. The Psalms are filled with this type of language and imagery (Psalm 88 especially).

Even Jesus, who knew the future, who knew He would eventually have His glory restored, was filled with sorrow and anxiety at points. The night before He was to be crucified He went to the garden of Gesemane to pray. In Matt. 26:38a Jesus says, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death..." And Jesus is called in the Bible 'a man of sorrows'. He still cried at Lazarus' death even though He knew He would raise Him to life again.

My point is it is ok to say, "I am in despair. I am almost at the point where I have no hope. Where is God? Does He even hear?". The problem is when we stop there. When we let our sufferings paralyze us so that we do not even pray anymore or study the Bible anymore.

Because while praying or reading the Word won't end our suffering, God has promised to walk with us "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10).

And it becomes a problem when we fight the hand of the Potter in molding us to be more like Christ. That is what suffereing should ultimately do, make us more like Christ. Show us the places in our lives where we have fallen short, increase our love towards other sufferers, and draw us closer to God.

When silver is made it must be put into the fire. The fire is so hot that is melts the raw silver until all the dross (impurities) rise to the top and can be skimmed off. The makers know the silver is ready when they can look into the pot and see their reflection. That is what suffering does. It brings our impurities to the surface so they can be skimmed off and we can be made more like Christ, more pure. Till others can see the reflection of Christ in us. But the process involves fire and pain. And no one likes to be in pain. All we can do (all I can do) is hold onto Christ while in the fire and know that when I have no more strength to hold on, He will hold onto me.

There is an old hymn whose words are beautiful and powerful and speaks of this very thing. I put in bold the things that really spoke to me.

How Firm A Foundation

How firm a foundation, you saints of the Lord
is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can he say than to you he has said,

to you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not, I am with you, O be not dismayed;

for I am your God, and will still give you aid;

I'll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand,

upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call you to go,
the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
for I will be with you, your troubles to bless,
and sanctify to you your deepest distress.

"When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie,

my grace, all-sufficient, shall be your supply;

the flame shall not hurt you; I only design

your dross to consume and your gold to refine.

"Even down to old age all my people shall prove

my sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;

and when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,

like lambs they shall still in my bosom be borne.

"The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,

I will not, I will not desert to his foes;

that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake."

I've interspersed all these pictures I took in the flowers a few weeks ago because there are always blessings to be had even in the darkest night.

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

Hope & Decisions

2010-03-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

I took Peter for a Speech evaluation at our local clinic to start getting therapy there. At the end of the evaluation the woman said she thought he had great potential and that he would probably do very well. She said she has seen many autistic kids like Peter go on to go to regular kindergarten. We are going to try to get him OT (occupational therapy) as well and have them back to back or at the same time. I asked her how often he should get therapy. She said twice a week for speech and twice a week for OT.

Well today I got a call from them saying they contacted my insurance and they will only cover 20 visits a year. I couldn't believe it, that is less than 2 sessions a month! I asked if she told them that he was autistic and she said yes. So apparently that doesn't matter to them. The fact that my son may need to live at home for the rest of his life if he doesn't get the right therapy doesn't matter to them. That made me very mad. But I know there is little I can do. I will be contacting them and seeing if I can appeal this but I don't have high hopes for that.

His OT through early intervention and I both feel like he needs at least 20 hours of therapy (preferably some type of ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) therapy). But there is nowhere to get that around here and even if there was we don't have the money.

So I made a bunch of phone calls today and just confirmed that IN and PA are the best places for treatment and funding. So Micah will be focusing his job searches there. I really hope we are able to go to PA. Even though their funding is not as good as IN we have friends there and know of a wonderful church there that we would like to be a part of. But we will see. It is all in Gods hands. It may be that God means for us to stay here after all and if so then so be it. But I also know that everything in the world is the Lords and He can provide what we need if it is His will.

Don't Waste Your Autism

2010-03-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

I said I didn't want this blog to be about autism because we are so much more than that. But for now I need to get some more things out and tonight I felt compelled to write this.

God has used others in my life to minister to me when I needed it. It is amazing that sometimes when I am at my most down, someone will call, I'll get a letter, or a gift as I got today. There was a package in the mail from someone at my church. We know each other but I would only call her an aquaintance. She bought me a wonderful book that I would highly recommend for anyone who is going through a tough time or who has a relative who is going through a tough time. It's called Suffering and the Sovereignty of God by John Piper and Justin Taylor.

In the back was a short section titled Don't Waste Your Cancer. It really spoke to me and I realized that in many ways right now I am wasting Peters autism. Here is what John Piper has to say (the 10 things are from John Piper, the comments are mine and I've replaced cancer with autism).

Don't Waste Your Autism

1. You will waste your autism if you don't believe it is designed for you by God. Some say they don't believe God would allow bad things to happen to good people. I believe it. It is not because He is being cruel. It always serves a purpose. Peters autism serves a purpose. I may not know it yet and may never know it in this life but God knows and that's what is important.

2. You will waste your autism if you believe it is a curse and not a gift. I am already seeing this. I am seeing the world in ways I never saw it before. Experiencing the compassion of people like I never experienced it before. Loving as I've never loved before. And leaning on God as I have never leaned before.

3. You will waste your autism if you seek comfort from the odds of recovery rather than from God. I will admit I have been guilty of this. I need to come to the place where I will be ok with whatever happens. Because he may never fully recover. I am not there yet but I know I will be if it comes to that.

4. You will waste your autism if you refuse to think about never recovering. I do occasionally think about this but I also don't believe it is good to dwell on these things. But the thoughts have come to my mind and it scares me. But we are not there yet and we will cross that bridge when and if we come to it.

5. You will waste your autism if you think that "beating" autism means fully recovering rather than cherishing Christ. Whether or not Peter ever recovers we can still beat autism by not allowing it to rule our lives. Autism is not our life, it is just a part. Christ is our life and I need to stay focused on him.

6. You will waste your autism if you spend too much time reading about autism and not enough time reading about God. I will admit I have been guilty of this lately. I have been trying to find everything I can on how we can help Peter and have been neglecting the very person who created Him and me.

7. You will waste your autism if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection. I have some pretty amazing friends who have helped me through this. Thank you to everyone who has ever prayed for Peter or thought of our family. We are indebted to you.

8. You will waste your autism if you grieve as those who have no hope. No matter what happens I have a Savior who loved me and my family enough to die for us. This life is just the beginning, just a grain of sand on the vast beach of time. Heaven and eternity with Jesus awaits those who have put their trust in Him. And it makes me smile to think that in heaven Peter will not have to struggle with this.

9. You will waste your autism if you treat sin as casually as you did before. We need to let this diagnose strengthen our faith, not weaken it.

10. You will waste your autism if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ. I hope that this struggle we are going through brings people to Christ rather than push them away. I hope they see me leaning on Christ and not pushing Him away. I hope that no matter what happens that God is glorified and everyone sees that He is still on His throne and worthy to be praised.

Final Diagnosis & Peter Progress Issue 1

2010-03-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

So we got our diagnosis and it was what we expected. Autism. The appointment was actually pretty uneventful. She mainly just observed Peter for a bit, took some notes, and went over all the test results. Then she gave us some information on what to do next, gave us some referrals for therapits and doctors, and ordered an EEG (more on that later).

Here are the results of the tests: For Receptive Language (i.e. how much he understands) he is at a 10 month old level. So he understands less than Ian. For Expressive Communication (i.e. how well he communicates) he is at a 17 month old level. I was pretty pleased with where he was at expressively (although obviously I would like it to be higher) but was shocked to see how low he scored for receptive language. For Visual Reception (not exactly sure what this is) he scored at a 14 month old level and for fine motor at a 13 month old level.

The doctor recommended a whole bunch of things (speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, a nutritionist, and an EEG (to check for seizures because I mentioned he had staring spells)).

I wasn't too happy with her though because she seemed to have a very low opinion of alternative therapies (even though she knew hardly anything about them). I have done a lot of research and believe that many of them show promise (and some kids who have done them have completely recovered). So we will be pursueing some other things besides those which she prescribed (will talk more about them later).

Surprisingly we both felt pretty good after the appointment. We both felt a sense of peace about it all. It is a bit of a relief so finally have a diagnosis even though the hardest part is yet to come. I've had my moments today where I've been sad or mad but mostly I've been ok. I'm just sad that autism took this last year from me and I'm sure will cast its shadow on many more years. I don't want to be thinking of this right now, I want to just be enjoying my kids. I'm mad that insurance covers hardly anything. I feel like they don't take it seriously. This is a life changing diagnosis. Many of these kids will never be able to live on their own. But there are many promising therapies and treatments being done that have allowed some kids to recover. But they won't cover it because it is "experimental" (even though many of them have been around for decades) or are too expensive. I guess I just don't understand why parents of autistic kids are still having to fight to get services for their children. Autism is not new. It has been around for at least 70 years. When are they going to wake up. Ok, I think I got that out.

Many have asked what they can do for us. Here are some things I thought of that will help us:

1. If you see an article or website about autism that you think we might be interested in please let us know or make a copy.

2. Just listen. Many have said they don't know what to say and that's ok. I wouldn't know what to say either if the situation was reversed. But just having someone who is willing to listen when I've had a hard day is so helpful.

3. Encourage us. If you see that Peter seems to have had a good day tell us. Many times we tend to focus on the negatives and we many need others to remind us that there is hope.

4. Pray. This is the most important thing. So many have been praying for us already and we are so grateful! Thank you so much. There are some specific things you can pray for now that we have the diagnosis.

Pray that Peter would recover from the autism (I know this is possible, God can do anything. He can do it now or choose to wait till after he has had years of therapy. Either way I know this is possible. Will it happen I don't know but please pray with us that we would get our boy back.)
Pray that we can get the therapy Peter needs (there are some issues with availability and funding)
Pray for Gods direction as we try to figure out the best way we can help Peter.

5. Be understanding. This is an incredibly stressful time. And as we work out the logistics of treatments, doctor appointments, therapies we may forget some things. I may not call as often. It's not that I am shutting people out. We are just overwhelmed and a little more forgetful now that we have so much going on.

I'm sure there are other things but those were the ones that came to mind. I know a lot of people don't really know what autism is. I plan on writing a post soon about that.

I also plan on sending out progress reports on Peter. I'm not able to call everyone so this will be a good way of keeping family and friends up to date. I'll call them Peter Progress. =) Here is Issue 1.

Peter has already made such huge leaps and bounds from where he was a year ago. Although he is still severely delayed, he is definitely ahead of where he was.

A year ago he attention span was extremely short. He would only attend to something for a few seconds. We could not read to him. Now he will pay attention for a good couple minutes or more and likes it sometimes when I read to him. He also used to just flit from thing to thing. Now he will play with a toy for while before moving on.

A year ago he had 0 words. Now he has about 25 (cracker, cookie, cup, bite bite, night night, bye bye, hello, uh-oh, more, ready-set-go, tickle, ok, Amen ) He has even used words a few times to tell me he wants something. A year ago he was not imitating words at all. He would never repeat a word back to me. Now he does it all the time.

A year ago he would not respond to his name. Now he responds more often than not but it still needs improvement.

A year ago he would not walk in the grass and when you put him in it he would cry and scream. Now he loves to run through the grass and touch it.

He claps now. He could never do that before. And he sings all the time and knows all the words to about 15 songs. A year ago he wasn't singing at all.

He plays with toys more appropriately. A year ago he was just spinning the wheels on cars instead of pushing them, repeatedly (and I mean for almost an hour) pushing buttons on toys, staring at flashing lights. Now he does much less of that. Today he actually tried to do the stacking cups. A first for him.

His eating has improved. Before he would stuff his mouth completely full of food instead of just taking one bite. He doesn't do that anymore at all. He also would not chew his food. We are still working on that one but he has definitely improved.

He can now count to 10 and knows the ABC song.

He takes my hand and leads me to what he wants sometimes. This is huge! It is requesting sometimes, communicating, which he wasn't doing a year ago.

And now here are some things we are trying to do to help Peter:

1. Get physcial, occupational, and speech therapy.

2. Get him an EEG

3. See a nutritionist (he is a VERY picky eater and we want to make sure he is getting what he needs).

4. Set up a meeting at Cincinnati Childrens to develop a comprehensive treatment plan.

5. Schedule blood tests for genetic testing (kariotype (to make sure there are no chromosomal issues) and testing for Fragile X Syndrome (which has many symptoms similar to autism)).

6. Attend some classes at Cincinnati Childrens Hospital on how to get started once you have the diagnosis.

7. Try to get him ABA and Floortime therapies. These are the therapies that have worked wonders with so many kids but insurance won't pay for them. I would like to get him 35-40 hrs a week of therapy. I realize that sounds excessive but it has been shown that the earlier and harder you treat autism, the better these kids do. We're probably talking about a price tag of about $40,000 a year.

8. Apply for a MA Card.

9. Join an autism support group.

10. Make an appointment with a DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor. They basically are willing to try alternative treatments.

11. Start Peter on a GFCF diet (gluten free and casein free). Bascially he would be able to eat no dairy (not even butter) and no wheat. Many children have responded wonderfully to this diet and have increased their language, attention spans, ect....

Whew! I'm exhausted just looking at this list. My actual list is over twice this long but these are the important things. I'll be glad when we get all of this set up and figure out the logistics of everything.

Which brings me to the most important thing. We are strongly considering moving. They have VERY little services around here until kids reach kindergarden. But studies have proved over and over again that the best time to treat autism is before kids turn 5.

So we are trying to move to a place that has more resources and better funding. I know I said that insurance won't cover some of the therapies, well that actually varies by state and there are some that will pay almost the entire bill (IN, OH, and PA). So Micah has been looking for jobs in Cincinnati (we could get a $20,000 a year scholarship), Indianapolis (this state will pay up to $50,000 a year for treatment even for ABA), and Pittsburgh (will pay up to $36,000 for treatment).

Although I am excited that Peter would be able to get what he needs I am not really happy about this. A move is a big thing. We were just getting settled here. We would have to move away from family. It is a big decision but one we are prepared to make if it will get Peter what he needs. Please pray that God would lead us where he wants us to go.

Next To Last Appointment

2010-03-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today was the next to last appointment having to do with getting Peter diagnosed. Can I just say I can't wait till this process is over. Of course once it is over our work has really just begun but I can't wait to not have to drive 3 hours for an appointment. Plus this process has taken FOREVER. Our first appointment was way back in December. They really need to streamline this process a little more.

Anyways, the appointment went ok. I cried a little on the way up and on the way back. For many different reasons. I was listening to a Selah CD and some of the hymns were getting to me. Just thinking about what Jesus did for me (for everyone) and how much God loved me was enough to start the waterworks. There were also some sad tears for Peters situation but on the way back there were some happy tears too. I'll get to that in a second.

So they neglected to tell me that this appointment was 3 hours long! It was just me this time at the appointment. Micah was originally supposed to go with me but he had an appointment. Peter didn't go as this was just a parent interview.

She just asked me a bunch of questions and some of them were harder than I expected. I was asked to explain how he was right before we started noticing something was wrong. And that was hard because it feels like that was another life. I feel like we have been living with autism hanging over us that I have to struggle to remember that there was a happier time. In reality we have only been living with this for a little over a year but when you're talking about a little guy that is only 2 and a half, that's a long time.

But I felt like I answered everything as well as I could. Then I asked for her impression. Of course she told me that she is not the one to make the diagnosis and that it was hard to tell me anything without meeting Peter but she gave me hope. She said the fact that he does have some language and that he is getting better, even if it is slowly, bodes very well for his future. She said language is the greatest predictor on how well autistic children recover. So I felt a little relieved and very hopeful. We go back Thursday for the last appointment and official diagnosis. That is going to be a hard appointment. Even though we are expecting the autism diagnosis, it is still going to be hard to hear.

But there is even more hope. Peter had an amazing week last week. He was so much more alert, aware, engaged, and social. He said a lot more words and even requested a cracker and a cookie with words. He did a lot of grabbing my hand and leading me where he wanted me to go, which counts as communication. He said: cup, water, hello, bye bye, and more. But the biggest thing happened on Sunday. Micah was changing his diaper. He wasn't really talking to Peter just changing him. And on his own Peter reached out and touched Micahs eye and said, "eye", then he touched Micahs nose and said, "nose." This is huge!! He has NEVER pointed at an object before and named it. We were both floored and so happy. Even in the darkest hour hope is always shining.

First Time Playing In the Snow

2010-03-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

So these pictures are from months ago but I wanted to write this down so I always had a record of it. We just let Isaac and Peter play outside since Ian wasn't walking yet at the time. It was REALLY cold! We didn't even stay out half an hour but it was still fun to see their reactions. We just pulled them around on the sled and I took them up to the top of the hill at Mamaws and Papaws a few times to ride down. They have the best sledding hill. Isaac loved sledding and being in the snow. I think he would have stayed out for hours. Peter, not so much. I kind of expected it though with his sensory issues. He doesn't like extremes (too hot or too cold). He was at least tolerating it till he got some snow in his face after sledding down the hill and then he was done.

These first 2 pictures are actually from a storm we had in December before Christmas. You can see the snow man that Mamaw and Papaw built for the boys.

These last 2 pictures are from a storm in January. Love Peters expression. Poor thing was mad almost the entire time he was out there.

Pay It Forward

2010-03-13T20:13:00.001-08:00

I don't want this blog to be entirely about autism because I have 2 other children who I love just as much. But right now I feel like this is what I need to write about both to get my thoughts out and as a sort of therapy.

Last night I went to a choir fellowship at our pastors house. Our pastors wife told me she had something for me that one of her friends had given her. She has a friend who has a kid with Aspergers (a form of autism that is a little higher functioning). It was 2 books and a couple CDs. I thought maybe her friend was letting me borrow them. No, she bought them for me. I was amazed and so touched that a complete stranger would do this for me.

The one book, Facing Autism by Lynn Hamilton is awesome. I would recommend it for anyone who is walking this journey. It is a practical resource that offers hope, tells you how to proceed, who to call, how to figure out what types of treatments/therapies would be right for your child, etc... I am so glad she gave this to me because I would be clueless without it. The CDs are produced by Focus on the Family and are called Hope For Autistic Children and are excellent too. If you get these though prepare to have tissues ready. The other book is a 40 day devotional. It is really for any parent of any special needs child. I haven't had a chance to really look through that one yet.

I swear I didn't stage this next photo. I accidentally left the book sitting on the couch and when I can back in the room I found Peter like this. Guess he likes reading self help books. =)

This generous gift made me really think. All throughout this I have asked God that He would use this somehow for His glory, that it would not be a waste. But I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do. Well one thing I can do is do what this sweet woman did for me. If I ever meet someone who is just getting started on this journey I will get them these resources.

But I want to do more. The state I live in, and the area I live in particular has hardly any services for autistic children. And the pediatricians have no screening process to determine which children would benefit from being tested for autism. They don't know the warning signs and I'm afraid many children are falling through the cracks. It is a known fact that the earlier a child gets help, the better the outcome. The book Facing Autism lists a resource for doctors that tells them more about autism and how they can screen for it. I plan on buying this for my pediatrician and writing a letter to her, begging her to please put this in place in her practice. I feel that would help so many children.

Also, I want to do something in our church. How many churches have you been in where you've seen someone with special needs or who has a child with special needs? I would argue very few. Why? They are people too who deserve to hear Gods word and the gospel just as much as anyone. It's not that they aren't out there, I know they are. I think there are a few reasons for this. 1. People are afraid of what they don't know. They feel awkward around the families and so just kind of ignore them. 2. They are judgemental. If one of these kids starts disrupting the service they would just rather that family leave. 3. They just don't know how to reach out to them even though they would like to. 4. They just haven't thought about it. Out of sight, out of mind. 5. The families of these children are many times angry (I know I have been) and become so angry at God that they turn away from Him.

I want that to change. I know there are other families like mine who would love to go to church but feel like they can't for any one of those reasons. So I am going to talk to our pastor and see if we can work towards having a ministry that reaches out to special needs families. We need a handicap ramp in our building. We need a special classroom that would have a nurse who knows how to handle things like oxygen tanks, feeding tubes, etc.... We need an overflow room with a monitor that is linked to the sanctuary so that families have a space where their child can run around or make noises without disturbing the service, but they can still hear the sermon. We can minister for them in other ways as well. Providing babysitting so the parents can get out for a night. Many of these parents are exhausted. Raising a special needs child is draining physically, financially, and emotionally. Also many parents of these children are single parents. The divorce rate for couples with autistic children is 80%!! That number is staggering. Maybe we could provide counselling or help them with projects they need done around the home. I'm sure there are other things I can think of but this is what God has laid on my heart for now.

I am excited for the chance to pay it forward. To give families hope, and of course the greatest hope of all, Jesus Christ. He is the one getting me through this. I don't know what I would do without Him.

I have started doing a 40 day study on the promises of God. I feel like this is something I really need to meditate on as there have been times when I have been tempted to lose hope. I'll share some of the verses I'm reading in case anyone else wants to do this too.

Last night I read verses telling of Gods promise of everlasting life for those who place their trust in him. Here are the verses: Psalm 23:6, Matt 25:34, John 6:47, John 3:16, John 14:2-3, John 4:13-14, John 10:27-28.

I decided to read the entire 23rd Psalm instead of just the one verse. This psalm has become dearer and dearer to me. It is probably the most familiar passage of scripture, even to those who are not Christians. Sometimes if a passage is familiar to me I tend to speed through feeling like I already know all that it has to say. God has proven me wrong over and over. Just because a passage is familiar doesn't mean He can't show me new things through it. And He really spoke to my heart last night as I was reading it.

I feel like I finally understand verse 5. I don't know why I didn't realize it before. The verse says, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over." I always thought the part about your cup running over just means that God blesses you abundantly. But that is only part of it. When you are pouring something and you accidentally pour too much and it spills over, what do you do with the excess? You clean it up and throw it away. So does God bless us above and beyond what we need so the extra blessings are wasted. No, God wastes nothing. He blesses us above and beyond what we need so that we can give that excess to others. So we can be a blessing to others. I am going to be praying during this 40 days that God does bless me abundantly, not for myself but so that I can give more to others and share Gods love with them.

A Club Member

2010-03-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

Before I start this post I wanted to write down some things the boys are doing so I don't forget. Ian learned how to clap today and he is now officially walking! He still likes to crawl but he can now walk all the way across a room so I think I'm calling it. =) And he is saying star, drink, and is pointing now and saying dah? (what's that?). So cute! Peter has been clapping more and he played patty cake himself for the first time ever! Ok and now on to the real reason I'm posting.

For some reason I never considered myself the mother of a special needs child until a couple of months ago. I guess I knew it deep down inside but it never really dawned on me until one of my friends called Peter a special needs child. It shocked me for a second not because I was angry about it but because it was like a 'duh!' moment.

I guess I never considered us a special needs family because I feel like we still have so much. There are so many children who can't walk, can't talk, can't eat, can't even breathe on their own. Peter can do all that. So while yes he has his limitations, we still have so much to be grateful for and I praise God for that. I think a lot about families who are struggling with so much. And now that I am a member of the club I look on them with new eyes.

On the outside we may appear strong but there will always be a piece of us that will mourn for what could have been. But we are fighters too and will do anything for our children. I know that any mother would do anything for their child but most will never have to do half of what some of these mothers go through for their child(ren). We make huge sacrifices to make sure our children can reach just a little higher. And some will have to say goodbye to their children sooner than they would wish.

But the club in not all bad. We see things with different eyes. Every little thing, every advancement becomes a celebration, a reminder of just how far your child has come and also how far there is to go. Mothers always celebrate when their baby says their first word. But when that first word comes when the child is 5 it is monumental. A childs first step is not just a step across a room but a step into another realm of possibility. A child getting a chance to play on the highschool basketball team is not just a great way to make friends and learn teamwork, it is the dream of a lifetime. And graduations are not just a celebration to mark the beginning of a new era, they are the celebration of years of incredible struggle, hard work, many peoples sacrifices, and triumphs of monumental proportions. To be able to view these normal life occurances in that light is a gift. One I don't plan to squander.

On Peters graduation day I plan for him to have his own cheering section.....

Ians 1st B-Day Party

2010-03-03T20:06:00.000-08:00

Well we finally had his party this Saturday. I think it was rescheduled 3 times. I was beginning to think we would just have to celebrate his 1st and 2nd b-days together. February is just not the best month to have a b-day. The weather is bad and there is a lot of sickness going around. Speaking of which, Ian had a little cold the day of his party so he wasn't in the best of moods, poor guy.

I decided not to stress at all for his party. For the twins party I wanted everything to be perfect, the perfect cake, food, weather, decorations, etc.... Not so much this year. I made the cake this year instead of buying it (we spent a ton of money last year, way too much), we got take out chinese instead of cooking, the party was indoors of course, and I let my MIL take care of the decorations. It was so nice. I could actually enjoy it.

I think one of the reasons we went all out for the boys birthday was because it wasn't just a celebration of their 1st birthday. But also a celebration of me becoming a mom, something I thought at one point might never happen. But just because the party wasn't as big a production doesn't mean it wasn't as important. I am so grateful for my little guy and love him to pieces.

We had just a family party for the boys first birthday so I decided to do that again for Ians first birthday. For the twins 2nd birthday we also had a party with friends and it was just too much stress for me. They were still so young and wouldn't remember that they had other little kids there anyways. So I think from now on we will hold off the friend parties until they turn 3. By then they will probably have people they want to invite.

Anyways, enough with the tangents. Here are some pictures:

Since we were having chinese food my MIL decided to decorate with fake Chinese lanterns. =)

This was the picture we had as the centerpiece of the table. It is Ian when he was only a few days old. This wasn't planned. We pulled up to my inlaws house where we were having the party and Micah saw this picture sticking out of the side of the door in the van. It was a perfect last minute addition.

The cake I made him (alphabet blocks that spell his name). It was my first time working with fondant. Not perfect but good for a first try. It was a lot of fun to make and now I'm toying with the idea of making all their cakes from now on but we will see.

"Hmmm.... I'm not too sure about this..." This was how he looked while we were singing to him. He was probably wondering why everyone was staring at him and singing. =)

"Mmmmm.... Hey where has this been all my life?!"

Finally a smile. =)

He really wasn't interested in any of his presents. Probably because he wasn't feeling too good. Finally Papaw got him interested in his book.

Peters Speech Appointment

2010-02-24T19:42:00.000-08:00

This appointment was a much more positive experience all around. First of all we didn't have to leave the night before. We had great weather for the drive. Peter didn't sleep very well the night before though and we were afraid he wouldn't act normally for the evaluation. Turns out he did just fine and even exceeded our expectations.

We got there and the waiting room had another mom and her boy there. It was obvious that this boy was also autistic. He looked to be about 5 or almost 5. He had no speech but instead would make some different noises just like Peter. But he could sign. His mom was filling out some paperwork. I felt so badly for this boy and will keep him in my prayers. We were in the waiting room for almost 10min and not once did his mother even look at him, speak with him or interact with him. He kept going where he wasn't supposed to (behind the registration desk or trying to get back into the hallway where the evaluations are given) and he went up to me while I was giving Peter crackers and repeatedly gave the sign for more. I didn't want to give him anything without asking his mother since he could be on dietary restrictions so I said to the boy, "I'm sorry sweetie, I would love to give you one but I'm not sure if you can have any." I said this a couple of times and the mom never said anything. This child was obviously trying to communicate and it seemed as if he was on the same level as Peter or perhaps even worse off. I kept thinking that maybe he would be communicating more if his mother would pay attention to him. I have given her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was having an off day or is a single mother (there was no man with her). But I will still be praying for this little boy.

Anyways, then we were called back for our evaulation. There were 2 parts to it. The first part was an autism evaluation where she just played with Peter and tried to interact with him to see what he would do. She also observed how he played with toys. The second part she evaluated his speech. He did really well. During the observation he counted to 10, sang some songs, and said 'tickle' when she was tickling him. But the best thing was at the end of the evaluation (more on that in a minute). =)

At the end we talked about what her thoughts were. And again she cannot diagnose him. That will come at our final appointment a month from now. But I still like to hear what everyones impressions are. She said that she did see some autistic behaviors and that she definitely understood why we were here. But she also said there were many positives. He can say some words, he has a pleasant personality, and likes to play games with other even if he never initiates them. She praised us for already having him in therapy and for starting the PECS system (which I wrote about in my last post). I guess a lot of families wait till their child is diagnosed before moving forward with any treatment.

She said that speech is different than communication. Speech is just having language (which Peter has some) while communication is using that language to interact with others. She said that she didn't see any real communication from Peter (and we really don't either). And immediately after she said that Peter walked up to me and said, "Cracker?" My jaw nearly hit the floor. The crackers weren't even out. He did that totally unprompted. Of course we gave him a cracker. It was as if Peter was saying, 'Oh really? So I don't have any communication huh? I'll show you communication!' We praise God for that. I really feel like that was God letting us know that in the end he would be able to communicate with us. I told her how much he loves music and she feels like Music Therapy would really benefit him. She said that with Peter constantly making forward progress that she thinks the future is really bright for him.

We also talked about how it seems to be one step forward with Peter then 2 steps back. She said they see that a lot and that when they regress again it is because they need time to process what they've learned. She said we don't need to worry about that unless we see a complete plateau with progress or if he regresses completely back to where he was when we first had concerns.

So all in all I felt pretty good after leaving that appointment. No tears this time, just hope for the future. =)

Oh and they have a library in the building we were in and I was able to check out 2 books on the PECS system so I can read up on it and make sure I am doing it correctly at home. I finished half of one of the books on the trip home. I want to waste no time in learning more about how I can help Peter.

Afterwards we did some things with Peter to celebrate. We took him to the mall and got him a Hap.py M.eal. Then Micah took him for a ride on the caroselle (ok I can't spell that word) =). Then we got him a cookie. He was so tuckered out that he slept the whole way home (3 hours!). Thanks so much to everyone who has prayed for him. I can't thank you enough.

We have some things we would like to see put into place for Peter once he gets his diagnosis:

- We obviously want to continue with the PECS (I'll explain more about it with pictures soon)
- We want to get him more OT (occupational therapy - this name still makes me chuckle as it sounds like he has a job). He responds so well to the little he is getting now I can't wait to see how he will respond with more
- We want to start Music Therapy
- We want to start ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) - this is what it sounds like. They "study" Peter and determine what causes his behaviors or lack there of and figure out solutions. It has been proven to be very effective with treating autism
- We will have him tested for hypothyroidism (definitely runs in the family, I have it and my MIL has it) as it can cause autistics like behaviors if you are born with the problem. We will also have him tested for anemia (he has had problems with this in the past), for vitamin deficiencies, and for a yeast problem.
- We want to research school choices. This is a tough one. As of now I feel like I want him to go to a school that has kids who have no learning disabilities, so bascially a normal preschool. I feel like he learns so much from watching his peers that I'm afraid if he is put in a strictly special needs school it will take him that much longer to progress. But again I'm not sure about this. We will have to talk to people (although I'm not even sure who to contact about this) and determine if this is the best course of action for him. Of course if he were put in a normal (I hate using this word) preschool he would have an aide just for him.

Whew! I had better end this post. We have a lot of work to do.

Boys Update

2010-02-23T20:12:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt like posting much lately which is why it has been a week since my last one. This past week has been a week of ups and downs and when I say downs, I mean REALLY down. A real rollercoaster ride of emtions. I mean literally one moment I will be happy and carrying on like normal, the next I am crying. Many times it comes without warning. I go from having great hope for the future to then wondering if things will really get better. Thank goodness I have the Lord and some great friends who are pulling me through this.

Because we now know the road that Peter must walk (and we must walk beside him) some big changes may be coming up. I'm going to wait a little while before I write about them. Basically though we will do anything to make sure Peter gets what he needs. We will fight for him.

We have to take him back to the Chil*drens Hos*pital tomorrow to get his speech evaluated. I'm sure it will be another emotional time for us. But I know it won't be as bad as that first appointment. We know what to expect now.

And now onto the update:

Peter: Well he is not doing as well as when I wrote the last update over a month ago. But like I've said before he is like a rollercoaster as well and lately he has been having some of his down moments. It may have a lot to do with the fact that I haven't been able to do his therapy at home lately like I should the last few weeks. But there is still progress especially in the speech department. He has been saying some new words like cracker and has even made some verbal requests! This is huge. He has never before told us what he wants using words. He has been saying 'more' when he wants something more to eat or drink and has been saying cracker because crackers are one of his favorite foods. He has been imitating us more and babbling more. In speech therapy we have started PECs (I can't quite remember what it stands for, something like Picture (can't remember the second word, Cards). In layman terms it is teaching him to give us a card with the picture of what he wants on it. Since he doesn't use words to request things (although like I said he is in the early stages of that now, yay!) we need to figure out a different way for him to communicate. The end goal is to have a bunch of laminated pictures mounted on magents on the fridge. Whenever he wants something in the pictures he takes that picture and gives it to me. It could be anything from food, to a book, movies, ect... Right now we are in the very early stages. Basically we are just using a blank card now and teaching him that if he gives the blank card to the therapist that he gets something in return. We're doing it at snack time. He gives her the card and she gives him a cracker. She said he has exceeded her expectations 10 fold. They usually don't use this system until a child is 4 or older. So he is the youngest she has ever tried it with. And she said he did better than most kids twice his age! In just the first session he gave her the card totally unprompted at least 5 times. This is huge. She said it would be a great accomplishment if a kid even did it once! He did just as good with the second session which was a whole week later. I know he is smart, he just has trouble expressing himself. It is like Peter is locked inside and we need to get him out.

Isaac: For some reason I always seem to have a hard time thinking of anything to write for Isaac. I think it is because he changes so much that I have a hard time keeping up with it. He is getting so tall now! I think he had a huge growth spurt in a short period of time. He is getting more and more vocal and understanding more and more. He loves to help me around the house with housework or 'feeding' Ian. =) I think he and Ian are going to be buddies. They play chase a lot and if Ian hasn't been in the room for a while Isaac will call for him and go find him. I hope Peter will join in with them one day.

Ian: He is almost completely walking. He can now walk across a room but he still mainly crawls to get around. It won't be long now. He has some new words: Night night, cracker, and just today he learned star. He is definitely getting more and more vocal. He loves to climb on things and is fearless. His favorite thing is when I let him walk along the back of the couch and then he falls over. He is also going to be a water baby like Isaac, except I think even more so. He LOVES the water. So much so that if we have the shower on a little while he is taking a bath he will crawl so his head is under it. Most babies hate when water goes down there face but he loves it! I have always loved the water as well so it is nice that we have 2 that will go swimming with me. Peter has inherited Micah's distaste for being in the water. =)

And on this day 3 years ago I was getting my 3rd ultrasound of the twins. I think I was only 7 weeks along. Amazing to think that now those same tiny babies are running around my house.

Here are some pictures (and yes some of these pictures are from November, ummm... I'm a little behind.) =) :

We took a trip to the VA Beach aquarium right before Thanksgiving. As you can see from Ians face, he loved it. =)

We also visited Colonial Williamsburg (we used to live less than an hour from there).

Little brothers are good for something. =)

Peter playing the piano at Grandmas house. He LOVES pianos. I can't wait till he is old enough to take lessons.

Isaac with a box over his head. He is always doing silly stuff like this. It cracks me up.

The maiden voyage of the S.S. Baby. We got a triple stroller over Thanksgiving and it has been a huge blessing. I am now able to get out with them more. I promise Ian liked it much more than how he looks in this picture.

Isaac loved running in Grandmas big backyard. I hope we are able to have a yard they can play in one day.

This is one of the boys favorite things to do, ride daddy.

Still at Grandmas. I can't wait till we can get them a swingset. They will have a blast.

This is also something that happens most evening. The nightly baby pileup. =)

A tisket a tasket, a baby in a basket.

Peters Appointment

2010-02-16T21:22:00.001-08:00

Originally we were going to drive up for his appointment the day of. But it was supposed to snow really bad so we decided to drive up the night before. That was definitely for the best since there was 5 inches of snow on the ground when we woke up with more falling by the minute. We were a little bummed though since we would have to pay for a hotel. But God was watching out for us. When Micah asked how much the room was she said, $130. That's city prices for you. Of course that was way more than we wanted to pay but we really had no choice. Then she asked, "What brings you to _______". Micah told her we were taking our son to the childrens hospital. Then she said we got a discount. Our room was now only going to cost us $70! And we got a free breakfast, a good one too (eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, sausage, fruit, biscuits and gravy, etc....). We were so thankful.

Peter was kind of fussy on the last leg of the trip and he wasn't eating much but we thought it was just because his schedule was off. Well when I went to get him out of the van his diaper smelled aweful. I set him down in the room and then looked down at my shirt and there was poop all over it. It had gone up the front of his diaper and was all over him. Even on his ear and in his hair. Yuck!! Needless to say he got a bath. I feel so sorry for the maids that had to clean our room.

Anyways he slept pretty good and then we went to our appointment the next morning. It was rather anticlimatic. The appointment was pretty short and she just mainly played with him and observed him, asking us questions along the way.

We won't get the official diagnosis until the end of March. But the psychologist that saw Peter yesterday said she is pretty sure he is autistic. She did say that there was a lot of positive things. He has a very sweet temperment (many autistic kids are agressive, although not intentionally). He is affectionate and does like to play with us (many autistic kids are just so withdrawn and don't even acknowledge someone is in the room). But she did have some major concerns and obviously he speech delay was the most concerning. He goes back next Wednesday for the speech evaluation. She did tell us that we would get assigned a social worker and that there are government programs that will help us pay for more therapy, a fence, assistance with living independently when he gets older, etc...

The diagnosis is what we expected but it was still a bit of a shock to hear the words. Also I think we were both holding on to a tiny sliver of hope that maybe it was something else. And that small peice of hope died. We were fine until last night and today when it really hit us. We are grieving. No we haven't lost a child but in a way we have. I remember what he used to be like before he started showing signs of something wrong at 14months. His eyes used to sparkle. He interacted so much with Isaac and with us. I can look back at the pictures and see almost exactly the day that the light left his eyes. Yes he is very happy but there is definitely something missing now. He rarely plays with his brothers. And that is the loss we are mourning. The loss of the old Peter and what could have been.

But this diagnosis is not the end of the world. We will press on. God will hold us up. After this short period of grieving we will pick up the peices and do whatever we can to get Peter the help he needs. I am going to try to focus on the positives in all of this. And I'm going to try and stop comparing him to other kids. For now he will always be behind other kids his age and I'm going to have to accept that. Will he always be behind, maybe not. Instead of comparing him to other kids his age I'm going to compare him to himself. Look back and see how far he has come. And he has definitely come far. He improves almost every day. That is what I want to focus on. We don't know what the end result of all this will be. Will he be able to live on his own? Will he be able to go to college? But God knows the end. And that will be enough. We ask you to continue to pray that Peter would progress but most of all please pray that God would be glorified through this. May people see His hand at work when they see Peter. And if just one person sees this, then this struggle will all be worth it.

Multiples & More QOTW - Schedules

2010-02-11T19:33:00.000-08:00

How old are your kids now? I have twins who are almost 2 and a half and a one year old.

Have you always followed a rigid schedule? YES! Even before they were born I planned on doing this. I knew a lot of people who told me that it is best if you follow the babys lead but then they only had 1 at a time. I'm sure it is better but I knew with 2 that if I didn't feed them and put them to sleep at the same time that all I would do all day long was feed babies and rock them to sleep.

Do you think that your schedule is conducive to healthy sleep patterns in your kids? Absolutely. All 3 of my boys have been great sleepers. Well one of them doesn't sleep very well any more but that is due to his sensory issues. Ever since they were 4 months old they have been sleeping 12 hours a day. Naps went very well too when they were younger. They usually went right down and sometimes even requested them themselves.

Do people give you a lot of flack for being a strict scheduler? Not really. I think sometimes some of my friends are disappointed if I can't do something or have to leave early because of nap time but I know we need to stick to the schedule for my sanity and their happiness.

Has your routine become more relaxed as your kids have gotten older? A little bit. Mainly just for nap time though. They still always get fed at the exact same times each day and we have a strict bedtime. But naptime has gotten more lax because I think one of my boys is starting to outgrow his nap. So we just go with the flow and I watch for signs of tiredness.
How do you kids react when they are completely off their schedules- and how do you get them back on track? They become very whiny. Every little thing sets them off. They start to resemble little monsters instead of toddlers. =) Honestly I usually can't get them back on track that day. I just have to put them to bed a little early and wait till the next day to start over.

1 Year Old!

2010-02-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

I meant to do this yesterday but ended up falling asleep. My baby turned 1 yesterday. It was a day of firsts. First birthday, first haircut (I'll write about this at the end of this post), first taste of pizza, first taste of whole milk. It seems so long ago and like yesterday all at the same time. I find I'm not as sad this time as I was when the twins turned a year old. I think it is because now I know how much fun the next stages are going to be. So while I am sad that he will never be a tiny little less than 6 lb baby again. It is so fun to watch how he is changing.

He is such a happy and content little guy and definitely loves his mommy. Nothing at all seems to phase him and he can sleep through anything. His favorite toy are balls of any kind. And he has taken to table food with no problem. I think he'll be eating steak in a few months. Just kidding.

I still can't believe he is mine. When I was prenant with him I wondered how in the world I would love another baby as much as I loved the boys. I didn't know if there was any room left in my heart. And there wasn't, so my heart just grew. I love him to peices and am excited to see the man that he'll become. What a gift I have been given and such a great responsibility. I usually don't complain when he's fussy and needs to be held or when I get spit up on or changing dirty diapers. I know that one day he won't be living with us anymore and so I will soak it all up now and cherish these moments in my heart forever.

Happy 1st birthday precious baby boy. You are greatly loved.

And now a year in pictures

He did so great for his haircut yesterday! He didn't even cry at all! Amazing. Both of the big boys were terrified especially Peter. I'm sure part of the reason was she didn't use the clippers, just scissors, I brought crackers this time, and the stylist was so sweet and gentle with him. Here are some before and after pics. I'll have to get better after pics in the next few days because all the ones I got were of his eyes closed. It's amazing how different he looks with just a different hair cut. He looks more like a little boy now instead of a baby.

Before
She's doing what?!

After

Goals Update & Excitement

2010-02-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

I hope the rest of you who are reading will come out of hiding. =)

Thought I would do an update of my goals. It helps me to see that I've made progress so I don't give up.

1) Read Bible everyday. I've done pretty well with this. I think I only missed a couple days this month.

2) Pray everyday. Not doing so good with this one. I miss about 2 nights a week. And on the nights that I do pray I am not devoting enough time to it. When you trully love someone you want to spend time with them. How can I say I love God if I'm not spending time with him.

3) Lose 30lbs. I'm proud to say I'm ahead of schedule with this. To achieve this by the end of the year I need to lose 2.5 lbs a month. I lost 5 this month! I'm now finally below my prepregnancy weight with Ian. It only took a year. Sigh. Now my next goal is to get below my prepregnancy weight with the twins. Only 4 lbs to go. All I'm doing is counting calories and exercising. I had tried Weight Watchers before. And while it worked it was a pain calculating points for everything. Plus I try to plan ahead what I'll eat for the next day. This helps me be less tempted to eat something I shouldn't. Although I was really bad today.

4) Potty train Isaac and Peter. I must say I'm procrastinating on this one. I think that Isaac is ready but I'm not ready. =) I'm not in too much of a hurry. They don't start school till September. (I can't believe I just wrote about my kids going to school. I'm definitely not looking forward to that day). I was going to do Isaac first cause he is the one that is ready. But I think I'm going to do Peter first instead because I know he will take longer so it makes sense to give him more time. I plan to start training him in July and Isaac in August.

5) Save $600. So far only $15 saved. But we should be able to have more than $600 in savings by the end of this month.

6) Get organized. I am going room by room and this past month I tackled the living room/playroom. I really wish we had a separate playroom but I added a low bookshelf to store all their toys on and it looks so much neater in there. Now it will also be easier for me to teach them to put their toys away.

7) Do school with the boys 2 days/week. No progress has been made with this one. I wanted to get a jump start on their education by doing just 45 mins of school at home 2 days a week. I already have the curriculum and everything. I just never can seem to find time to do it. The reason I feel this is important is because I know they are both behind and I want to give them a head start. I have a feeling this may never happen though. I have to give all those who homeschool credit. I have no idea how you do it. Amazing.

8) Exercise 3 days/week. Well it hasn't been 3 days a week. More like 2 days most weeks but at least we are exercising. We weren't doing anything at all before. It helps so much that my husband does it with me. I can't wait till it is warmer and we can go on walks again now that I have my triple stroller.

9) Pay off credit card. We should be able to have half of it paid off by the end of this month and the rest by the end of May.

10) Finish the twins baby book. I was hoping to get a couple of pages done this month but it just didn't happen. I was on a roll for a while there. I think if I just get started again I can get it done pretty quickly. I've been procrastinating.

All in all I think I've done pretty well. And now for the excitement!

Peter had a great day yesterday. He was saying lots of words some of them new words for him. He said cup and Choo Choo! with prompting. And he said cracker and ok completely unprompted! That is huge for him. It is rare for him to say a word completely on his own. Today he also said Mama a bunch of times. It has been at least a year since I've heard him say it to me! It melted my heart.

But then the biggest thing came last night. I have been praying that he would be able to understand why Jesus died for us and how he can go heaven to be with Jesus forever. Right now I have no idea how far he will be able to progress in school or what his understanding level is going to be. Well God answered my prayer in a big way last night. We always pray before bedtime. The boys still don't really understand what is going on but Isaac always says Amen at the end of the prayer. Peter has never said anything. Last night he said Amen when we were done! I couldn't believe it. I am so happy. I hope this continues. His appointment with the childrens hospital to start his evalution for autism is coming up on the 15th. I want him to blow them out of the water. =)

And then more excitement. Ian turns 1 year old tomorrow! My sweet baby boy is growing up. So bittersweet. To make it even better, one of my friends T, from where we used to live, is being induced tomorrow. So her daughter and Ian will share a birthday! How cool is that. I just wished we lived closer so they could play together. Hmmm..... maybe we could arrange a marriage. =)

Request and Random 300th Post

2010-01-31T17:21:00.000-08:00

First the request. A couple of weeks ago was blogger delurking week or something like that. =) Of course I missed it because I am late for everything. Soooooo..... if you have been reading my blog but have never commented I would love if you would come out of the shadows and leave a comment. =) I promise I don't bite and you don't ever have to comment again if you don't want to. I'd just love to know who has secretly been reading. Feel free to tell me about yourself and if you have a blog (I love to read new blogs). And if you have any questions for me, ask away.

Now for the totally random post. First: I have poison ivy!!! How in the world does this happen in January! My husband asked me if I was sure that's what it was. After having it for the 5th time in my life I am sure. And of course it had to show up on my face of all places. I have no earthly idea how I got it. We have hardly any trees in our yard and it is bright and sunny and there's snow on the ground. I haven't been outside all week because the kids are sick. I just figure it's been a while (years) since I last had it and I was due. As a side note the reason I have had poison ivy so much is that I was a Wildlife Science major in college and grad school and have had all kinds of crazy wildlife adventures. I will have to write a post about that some day.

Second: Which brings me to what else has been going on. We are all still sick here. The sickness started over 2 weeks ago and is still going strong. Isaac had a bit of a fever yesterday. He still had it this morning and was crying like he was in pain. We gave him some tylenol in the morning and he was fine the rest of the day till about 4:30. Then the fever came back. We gave him a little more tylenol and I'll call the doctor tomorrow. Why is it that kids always get sick when the doctors office is closed? I have a bad feeling it is an ear infection. Which stinks because he has tubes and hasn't had an infection in about a year. I just hope this won't mean he will have to have the tubes redone.

Third: Apparently I am more normal than I thought. Notice I said more normal, not completely normal. =) I always thought there were relatively few people who have ever had 3 children under 2. Turns out I am wrong. We live in a fairly small town (about 20,000) people. We went to the mall a week ago. It was nearly empty. Well we met a ton of people who either had twins or were a twin themselves. And of those I met 2 families who said they had a child very soon after their twins were born (17 months after, just like me). So I guess I am not the odd ball after all. Makes me feel a little better. They survived so we'll do just fine. =)

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2010-01-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

Good: Peter had a really good week a couple of weeks ago. He was so alert, had a great attention span, did the best he's ever done in therapy, said more words, very interactive, played with his toys appropriately, etc... Ian is saying more words. He can wave and say Hi and Bye bye and he now says Night night. He is so quiet when he talks, it is the sweetest thing. Except when he says ball. =) Then he shouts. He can stand by himself for a good 10 seconds and can take 2-3 steps on his own. I'm hopefull he will be walking by his birthday celebration weekend which will be Feb. 13th. Although his actual birthday is on the 4th. Less than a week away! It is a bittersweet time. Isaac loves to draw and is pretty good at it already. I do come from a family of artists, although I did not inherit any of the talent in that area. My greatgrandmother was a great painter and my sister is awesome at drawing. So far Isaac can draw a pretty good car and also the sun. Here is one of his pictures of the sun. The dashes all around it are the rays.

Bad: Peter had been regressing again for the last 10 days and is back to his old ways. =( But the fact that he was doing so well for a while there gives me great hope that we can beat this. Then on Saturday the 16th Ian woke up with a fever. I wasn't too worried because he had been stuffy and the fever wasn't too bad. About 103.3. We kept an eye on it and it never got any higher throughout the day and he was pretty much acting as usual. On Sunday he still had a fever. I planned on bringing him to the doctor on Monday if he still had a fever when he woke up. Well I had to get some groceries on Sunday. It took me about 2 hours. When I got back I picked him up and he seemed REALLY hot. I took his temp and it was 105.6. I had to fight to stay calm. None of my boys have had fevers even close to being that high. We took him straight to the emergency room. And the crazy thing is he was acting fine the whole drive there, just cooing and acting happy. Once he got to the ER (and thankfully they got us in right away) he was a different story. But I think that was just because everyone was poking and proding and giving him meds. Poor thing was miserable. They tested him for a bunch of things and all of it came out negative. Except his ears were really bad. They figured he also had an upper respiratory infection on top of the ear infection. He is completely better now but it was a little scary at the time. This boy is gone to make us go grey early. He has already had 2 trips to the ER (the first one ended with a 3 day stay in the PICU) in his first year. Oh boy. Also we are getting more and more concerned about him and possible autism. We have noticed more disturbing behaviors lately. Banging his head on his crib and other things, walking on his toes, biting his hand (not enough to make a mark or anything, it is more like chewing), stuffing his mouth when he eats, sitting and then spinning. Now most of these behaviors are very sporadic, except for the head banging thing. So we are trying not to be too concerned. But after having one child who is special needs, always in the back of your mind is the worry that your other kids may end up being special needs too. Maybe we are passing on a defective gene or something. I don't know but I feel like if he can make it to 15 months without loosing anything he's learned, I think he will be ok. That is one of the major signs of autism is loosing skills. In other words being able to say words and then not, or responding to your name and then not responding. We will be praying and holding our breath till then.

Ugly: My house is a diasaster. I kept hoping that as they got older it would be easier to keep clean. Ha! I think I was deluding myself. The older they get the more messes they get into. I have resigned myself to the fact that my house will be a wreck until I die, or the second coming (whichever comes first). =) And lest you think I am exagerating here is what my kitchen looked like at the end of the day when all the boys were sick (the following images may not be suitable for young children or hormonally stressed women):

Be afraid, be VERY afraid....

Boys Update

2010-01-16T20:34:00.001-08:00

Haven't done one of these in a while and I want to remember all the things they are doing now.

Peter: 2 steps forward, 1 step back. As I've written Peter seemed to regress the past month. He was so unresponsive, wasn't saying much at all, not playing with anything correctly, ect... Christmas was really bad. At one point he was just lying on his stomach propped up on his elbows and drooling a lot staring into space. I know it wasn't a seizure because whenever I would clap he would blink, move, or flinch. He was just so in his own world. I didn't understand why he was doing so well and then all of a sudden was back to his old ways. Well he has done a complete 180 in the past few days and he is doing more than he ever has before. I think this is due to 2 things: First we are doing a lot more therapy with him at home in addition to the once a week the OT comes to our house, second I've started giving him vitamins again the past couple days and have seen almost and instant improvement.

Here are the things he has been doing just in the past few days (today was the best day he's had in a year): he's playing with almost all his toys appropriately, he finally has relational play (in other words if we give him a doll and a spoon and bowl, he tries to feed the doll. He has NEVER done this before), he's using more words (words that he says spontaneously without prompting are in bold): Go!, tickle (& he actually tries to tickle us), Uh Oh!, more, bite bite, night night, Yay!, he's much more interactive and will play back and forth games with us, noticing his brothers more (he tried to give both of them a hug today, at least that is what I think he was doing), taking my hand and showing me what he wants (this is huge! It is the first big step in speaking. Before he didn't have any gestures, no pointing, nothing, he would just cry). Oh and I almost forgot! He can count to 5 now! I was getting him ready for bed and went, "1, 2, 3...." and then he said, "4, 5". Wow. And he can sing the ABC song and gets every letter right in the right order. Double wow. We are so very thankful. Thank you so much to everyone who has prayed for him. It is working!

Isaac: Hmmm.... can't think of much of anything that is new with him. He is just starting to show some beginnings of pretend play. He is much more active now and loves to run, climb, ect... Sometimes he can get pretty hyper. It is amazing to think that he was the more subdued of the twins in their first year. He is definitely going to be a reader. He "reads" any chance he can get. He'll turn the pages and babble as if he were actually reading the words. I'm glad that one of my boys is a reader because I love books and would have been said if none of them shared my love of reading. He can throw some big tantrums sometimes completely with kicking, going limp, screaming, ect... But I just speak a stern word to him and let him know that he has a choice. He can either continue the tantrum (and get punished), or stop and get a hug. He usually picks the second one. I think his tantrums are because he inherited my trait of getting easily frustrated. It doesn't take much for me. My mom said I didn't throw tantrums but I'm sure I had some other way of venting my frustration. We can both learn self control together I guess. =)

Ian: He is growing up so fast it is unbelievable. I knew that he would achieve milestones quicker than the boys but I had no idea it would be this fast. In a way it is kind of nice because it is less work for me. I don't have to teach him as much because he picks up so much from his brothers. But at the same time it is bittersweet because it means he will reach the point where he no longer needs his mommy that much faster. Here are some things he is doing: He can drink out of a sippy cup now with no handles (he learned it in a few weeks, the boys took months!), he can stand on his own for several seconds and can take one step towards me without holding onto anything (I think he will be walking in a month, which will make a lot of things easier), he plays ball and can almost catch it himself. Here are some things he is saying: Uh Oh!, Hi (and waves), Bye bye! (and waves), ball, Mama, Dada, and last but certainly not least Spongebob! (it was one of his first words as well as one of the twins first words, yeah we're a little addicted).

Oh and I love to go back and see what I was doing on this exact day a year ago, 2 years ago, etc... Well on this day 3 years ago I had my egg retrieval for my IVF. That means that this was the exact day that my twins lives started. Wow..... Although I don't like the fact that I had to go through IVF to get my twins, how many people can say they know the exact day their children began their life. Amazing...

And I just realized that I never posted Halloween pics so here they are. Only 2 and a half months late. I think that is pretty good when you have 3 under 3.

Cowboy bottoms! These were their costumes this year. Their room is also decorated in a cowboy theme. I'll have to post pics sometime.

Ian was tigger and had a fun time walking around the neighborhood

We pulled the boys in the wagon instead of letting them walk. Much safer and faster that way.

Love this pic of Ian and my dad!

Look how orange these pumpkins are! And no, these photos are not touched up. We can't afford photoshop and even if we could I doubt I'd be able to figure out how to use it. =)

I love this pic because they all either have their fingers or thumb in their mouth.

And Now For Something Completely Different

2010-01-11T21:25:00.000-08:00

My posts were getting a bit too heavy so I thought I would talk about something more upbeat. Micah just got back from a missions trip to Chicago on Sunday. Our church is partnering with a church plant in the heart of Chicago. The church has had a rough start but we are praying that they make a big impact in the community. Here is the website for anyone who is interested: http://www.chicagolandcc.org/

Only 4 people from our church were able to go. I think it was because of the time of year. Hopefully they will do a summer trip and more people will be able to go. I really want to go on the next one.

They mostly spent time doing repairs on the church, shoveling snow for people in the surrounding neighborhoods, and passing out fliers.

I asked Micah to take pictures and he took 7. And none of them have any of the people that were on the trip. That's what happens when you give a man a camera. =) Well here are some pictures anyways.

The church building. I think it kind of looks like a gingerbread house with all the snow. =)

City skyline

THERE IS A GOD!!

2010-01-06T19:07:00.000-08:00

I already knew that but in case anyone out there reading this blog still has doubts you will want to read this post. It will be well worth it.

It is obvious from my blog that of course I am worried about Peter. I wonder if he will be able to live on his own, will he have friends, will he be able to go to college or even finish high school. I have been losing more sleep over this lately and my eating has been terrible. Yes his therapies are working but he has reached a plateau. This happens with him every now and then. We will try something new and it will help him progress a little but then he stops progressing and we have to find something else to get him to the next step.

His OT (occupational therapy) has been a great answer to prayer. Since he has started it he has started saying more words, sometimes without prompting but most of the time with prompting. He will sing words to songs now instead of just humming. He is more interactive. Better eye contact. More responsive to his name and requests. But he hasn't shown any additional improvements for a while.

One of the things I wanted to do this year was to get more therapy for Peter. But I had no idea what type of therapy would be best for him. There are dozens to choose from for kids with autism: ABA, OT, ST, HBOT, music therapy, etc...... And each kid with autism is different. What works really well for one kid may do nothing for Peter.

Little did I know that God had given me the answer......................................................................... are you ready for this............................................................................................................................ over 20 years ago.

When I was no more than 10 years old I found a tape my mom had recorded. On it was a documentary called "Son Rise". It was about a child who was diagnosed with autism (severe autism, much worse than Peters) and was completely cured. He is a little older than me and you would never know he was ever autistic. There is nothing about him that you would even say was strange. Anyways for "some reason" I watched that tape over and over and over again. I was facinated by it. What elementary school kid likes to watch medical documentaries? Why would my mom have bothered to tape something like that? That tape stuck with me. I never forgot it and still remember the title to this day. Little did I know that my sons life would be affected by the very same thing that boys was.

Fast forward to about a year ago. I met a wonderful dear friend Pam whose sister-in-laws son is autistic. She gives me the link to her blog. I started reading through it tonight. In one of the blog entries she mentions going to a conference on autism and guess who was a speaker? The kid from the documentary! His parents started a center years ago to teach parents the methods they used to cure their son. The program is called the Son Rise program http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/index.php. And if I had never watched that documentary 20 years ago I would have never googled Son Rise program after reading her blog entry. After all like I said there are dozens of therapies, countless centers, schools, doctors. It would have been just one of many to me. I may have never found the website. I may have never discovered that it is within driving distance of our house and my parents house is half way.

Just 24 hours ago I was really depressed and almost in despair as to how we were going to help Peter. God had the answer all along.

Now.............................. tell me there is no God.

Parents Visit and Concerns

2010-01-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

My parents came up Saturday and left today. I kind of like that they came up New Years instead of Christmas. It makes it feel like Christmas lasts longer. Although I enjoy having them here, by the end of the visit I was ready for them to go back home if you know what I mean. =) My brother and sister couldn't come but hopefully they will be here in a month for Ians birthday. I can't believe my baby turns 1 in less than a month! It feels like just yesterday and at the same time forever ago that he was just a tiny thing in my arms.

And that brings me to my concerns. I am afraid that Ian may be autistic too. I hadn't thought this till a couple weeks ago. And I wouldn't have thought anything of it if Peter didn't have the developmental issues that he does. It is just little things but I'm afraid they will turn into big things. Today he was really worrying me. Kept looking at the pendulum on the cucko clock, kept looking up at the kitchen light, has started rocking every now and then, slaps his hands on his knees, has started screaming (very high pitched) when he wants something.

Now like I said all these behaviors are not all that frequent and of course could be just normal baby things as he explores his world but this is how it starts. It is how it started with Peter. For the first year of his life we had no concerns. He was developing just fine. Then around 14 months we noticed that he started to take a while to respond to his name and it just snowballed from there. For the longest time no one believed me when I said I think Peter is autistic. They thought I was overreacting. Many people thought he was extra smart when he started spinning the wheels on his cars instead of driving them. They would say, "Oh he's just trying to figure out how they work." Of course now they believe me. It took a good 5 months before people in my family were willing to accept the truth. Truth be told it took me a while to accept it too. But deep down I knew something wasn't right.

And I'm starting to get that same sense about Ian. I hope and pray with every fiber of my being that I am wrong. I will be praying like I never have before that he would be spared this. I haven't written about this yet because it wasn't till tonight that I became really concerned and once again I feel like putting it in writing makes it real. I haven't even told anyone of my concerns till now. Thankfully he is developing on track so far. We even had him evaluated by Early Intervention to see if he needed therapy. He is totally on track for everything. He is even saying some words, "Dada, Uh Oh, ball..."

I just hope he doesn't loose that. If he makes it to 15 months without any significant changes I will breathe a sigh of relief. Until then my stomach is in knots. I'm trying very hard to trust that whatever happens will be Gods will. It is not always easy to do that.

I believe we were given Peter for a reason. He will not struggle in vain. And if Ian turns out to need help too then may God be glorified through it all.

Goals and Year End Review

2010-01-01T17:13:00.001-08:00

I decided that this year instead of making resolutions I would make goals instead. =) It's the same thing but using the world resolution makes it sound like it WILL get done. And well I don't have a good track record so I'm calling them goals so I don't feel so bad if (when) I don't accomplish them. =) Although I very much hope I do of course.

Most of my goals focus on God and my family because I feel like I haven't been as focused on them as I should be. They should always come before everything. So here they are:

1) Read my Bible everyday (I'm pretty good about doing this but I usually miss one day a week)
2) Pray everyday (This is definitely a struggle for me. I can't expect to be closer to God if I'm not spending time with Him)
3) Lose 30lbs (This is not just to look good. I am seriously out of shape and can tell my health is suffering because of it.)
4) Get Isaac and Peter potty trained (I'm sure I'll have Isaac potty trained with no problem by the end of the year (they will be over 3 by then) but I'm not sure how it's going to go with Peter because of his learning difficulties)
5) Save $600 (I know this doesn't sound like much but we have been living paycheck to paycheck and we really need to start putting some money away in case of emergencies. We have not been the best stewards with the money God has given us.)
6) Get organized
7) Do "school" with the boys 2 days/week (I'm really excited about this and will post about how it goes)
8) Exercise at least 3 days a week (I think this is one of the first goals that will go)
9) Pay off our credit card (should be able to do this with our tax return)
10) Finish the twins baby book (It is only half way done and they are over 2)
11) Get more sleep (It is the norm for me to be up past midnight, sometimes past 1 every night)
12) Do therapy with Peter at least 2 days/week (I feel so bad about this one. A therapist comes to our home once a week to work with him but we are supposed to be working with him at home too. I'm ashamed to say we haven't been doing it. He has shown tremendous improvement just with therapy once a week. Imagine what he will be like when we're doing it 3 times a week)

Seems like a long list but I think it is definitely possible.

Every year I also like to look back at the past year just to remember all the major events.

January: Not the best month for us. Micah was working 4 hrs away during the week and I was trying to keep up with twin boys while in my last trimester of pregnancy. We were also all really sick that month, I ended up in the hospital for a couple days.

February: Ian was born! One of the happiest months of my life. We love him to peices.

March: The plant Micah was working at brought him back home for good! Yay!

April: Peter and Isaac both started therapy (This was Isaacs second time starting therapy and Peter's first)

May: Got a letter saying Micah would probably be layed off in August. The job search began.

June: Felt like God was leading us to the southwest to help plant a church

July: Awesome month. Celebrated 7 years of marriage! Felt like we were not being called to help plant a church, at least not yet. Micah found out he would not be laid off after all.

August: Gave up TV (and I really don't miss it) and went on a vacation with my family.

September: Peter and Isaac turned 2! Not my little babies anymore. =(

October: Scheduled appointments to get Peter tested for autism. =( But the good news is this is the month that Peter started talking! We thought this day might never come. Praise God!

November: Peter broke his foot. =(

December: First autism appointment, Peter got his cast off, and we took a trip to Pittsburgh.

So all in all a very good year. Can't wait to see what 2010 has in store.

Christmas

2009-12-31T21:27:00.001-08:00

Christmas Eve was the family party for Micah's dad's side of the family. I use the term party loosely because everyone in his dads family has passed away except for his sister and her husband. So it was Micah's aunt and uncle, his brother and girlfriend, his parents, and us and the boys. I always look forward to this every year. Everyone makes a ton of great food and we exchange presents.

Micah's brother and Peter

Ian says, "Hmmmm...........I wonder who this is from?"

Peter and Mamaw (Micah's mom)

Ian eating his first Christmas dinner of turkey. He loved it so much he was smacking his lips really loudly with each bite.

Our church had an 11pm service that evening that only I went to because the boys couldn't have stayed up that late. I'm kind of sad that we all weren't able to go to Chrismas Eve service as a family. That is one of my favorite memories growing up. Unfortunately our church just has the late service and that's it.

The boys spent the night at Mamaw and Papaws and then Micah and I came over in the morning. Micah's mom always fixes a huge Christmas breakfast. So yummy. Then we opened presents.

The boys each got a pocket watch with their name engraved on it. Apparently Ian was very excited by his. =)

This was Peters favorite present, a piano. He can already play parts of songs on it. And no we did not teach him that. I have to get it on video.

Isaac and Mamaw

Pittsburgh Trip

2009-12-26T20:42:00.000-08:00

I'll post about our Christmas soon but first I wanted to post about a trip Micah and I took.

We usually try to go on a small trip for our anniversary without the kids. We went to New Mexico this year. At the last minute Micah decided to take a Christmas trip too without the kids (just for one night). We wanted to go someplace we had never been before. So we decided on Pittsburgh which is close enough for a one night trip.

It was a lot of fun although very cold. We drove up on a Friday night. The hotel we stayed at was very fancy. It was the nicest hotel I'd ever stayed in and probably will ever stay in. It was the first hotel I'd been to where I actually wanted to stay in the lobby.

We walked to the place where we had made reservations for dinner. The city was all decorated for Christmas. There was a huge tree near the center of downtown with an ice skating rink around it. Macys had a bunch of Christmas window displays. And in a building next to the ice skating rink was a gingerbread house village with trains going through it. The houses were built by local schools, boy scout troups, families, ect...

This is the tree with the skating rink around it. Wish I had taken a pic of it at night.

Tree inside with the gingerbread village.

Here are pics of some of my favorite houses. Some of them were so detailed and you could tell it took them a while to finish them.

They also had a neat display of how "santa" is portrayed in different countries of the world. If you look closely at the one of the left you will see 2 santas. One tall and one short. If I remember right that was France. The tall santa is the one that gives presents to all the good girls and boys. The short santa is the one that leaves coal for all the bad kids.

Our dinner did not turned out as planned. We had hoped for a restaurant with a quiet atmosphere but it ended up being more like a sports bar. Internet pictures can be decieving. The food wasn't that good either and was incredibly overpriced. But it was still nice to eat by ourselves and not have to rush through our dinner.

Overnight it snowed and made the city so beautiful. We walked to a bagel place for breakfast. And then took a FREE carriage ride! What's more magical than a carriage ride, a carriage ride in the snow.

We found out that there are a few couples from the seminary Micah used to go to living in Pittsburgh and we were able to have lunch with one of them. They are helping to start up a brand new church there. It was so exciting to listen to the great things God was doing. The church is barely a year old and yet they already have at least 10 families. So encouraging. The couple we ate with also has a son who was born just one day before Ian! After the wonderful lunch it was time to head back. The trip back was a little slow going because of the snow so we ate at Cracker Barrel halfway through our drive.

Such a nice trip!

Good Things

2009-12-10T20:48:00.001-08:00

Peter had an appointment on Monday with the orthopedic surgeon again. Everything seems to be healing like it should and he will get the cast off on the 21st! I'm so happy he gets it off before Christmas.

And speaking of Christmas we still haven't decorated or anything. No tree, no nativity scene.... I'm hoping to get everything up tomorrow. With 3 kids under 3 everything seems to take 3 times the amount of energy it normally would. So decorating has not been a priority. But it is getting done this year because last year it wasn't done at all. No tree, I think I did hang the stockings though. That was because Micah was only here for a week for Christmas so there didn't seem to be much point. So it is definitely getting done this year........ sometime. =)

Oh and I was also able to take a tour of the preschool Peter and hopefully Isaac will be going to next year. They will be going to Head Start and if they are still in therapy by the time they go they will get to go for free. I am so excited about that and I loved the school. The Head Start program here is also a Montessori program which is awesome. The kids were all so well behaved and everything was tailored to each individual child. There were very few group lessons. The teacher mainly worked for several minutes with each child one by one and went at that childs pace. So none of the kids who were further ahead were bored and none of the kids who were a little behind were struggling to keep up. And if Peter needs it he will get an aide that will help him in the classroom. He will also get his speech and OT at school as well! They even eat breakfast there (which is provided by the school). They can even ride the bus to school (although I certainly wouldn't do this at first). I am in love. Now the only thing I need to decide is whether I want them going a full day or a half day. The school is only open 4 days a week (Monday - Thursday) and goes from 8-2. I am really leary of sending them for that long a day when they are only 3. I am leaning towards 3 days a week and those being only half days. But I talked with the teacher about it and she said they would be missing a lot of stuff. And I'm not sure if Peter would be able to get his therapy in. There's a lot to think about but I have time. What did you do for your kids if you sent them to preschool? Did they go a full day or half days?

Dying To Live

2009-12-08T20:45:00.000-08:00

This post may seem like it is coming out of nowhere but I felt like I had to get this out on paper. I've been struggling with depression and at times despair for about 2 years. And when I say depression I don't just mean a feeling of general sadness. I mean depression, as in I was clinically diagnosed with it earlier this year, as in crying every day sometimes for what seemed like no reason at all, as in losing interest in everything. I think you get the picture.

I went to a psychologist (a Christian one) which helped tremendously. And based on his tests and observations he said I overcame it. And I did. Briefly. But then it came back. I knew I couldn't go on living this way. I felt so alone, the most alone I have ever felt. My depression stemmed from a lot of things: infertility, having twins as my first babies, moving, Micah's job issues, Peter's problems, having another baby less than 2 years after having twins, etc.... And it all seemed to hit at once.

But I think the thing that bothered me most was the move. I've blogged about it on this blog before so I won't beat a dead horse. But we left a great church and a lot of great friends. And we were having trouble finding that here. I wanted to go back soooo badly. I had even convinced Micah to look for jobs there and that we should move back. But deep deep down I knew that was wrong. The Holy Spirit was trying to tell me that phase of my life was over. He had other work for me to do and that I needed to surrender to Him and let it go. But I wouldn't. I was sure that the only way I would be happy again was to go back there.

Thank God He is infinitely patient with us. He waited and kept nudging me, bringing trials into my life, and taking things away to get me to look at Him. When instead I was trying to run away. What made me think of this tonight was our pastor preached on Jonah on Sunday. How God asked Jonah to do something. Something that would be incredibly difficult and instead of obeying God, Jonah literally ran away. Of course you can't run away from God forever. And God brought difficulties into Jonah's life to get him to realize that the only way he would find peace was to obey God. Unfortuately Jonah never learned his lesson. But hopefully I have this time.

The Bible in many places talks about dying to self ("But if a grain of wheat dies it produces many seeds." John 12:24) ("Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt 10:39). Letting your desires die so that you can fulfill God's will. And that's what I had to let happen. I had to let my desire to go back to Hampton Roads die or I would never find peace.

I finally let that happen about a month ago. And almost instantly there was a change. And I can honestly say that I haven't found myself in the depths of depression or despair since. It is a great release and there is a peace that is over me now. I've died to my desires and found abundant life. And finally now that I've surrendered to God, He is slowly beginning to reveal His will for my life and what He wants me to do next. And now that I have let go I am free to follow Him. I only wish I would have done it sooner. I could have saved myself so much grief and heartache. I hope I will never make the same mistake again.

Boys Update & Pics

2009-12-05T20:12:00.000-08:00

Ian: He now has a front tooth out on top as well as 2 on the bottom. Not only is he reaching milestones faster than the boys, looks like he is doing everything faster. He is cruising a little but still hasn't mastered it yet. I think the problem is just that there is not much to cruise on. The way we have our furniture nothing is connected. But I am in no hurry at all for him to start walking.

Isaac: He has become my little helper lately. He will try to help me doing any chore (laundry, dishes, sweeping etc....) He has even started helping me with Ian which is so cute. He will try to feed him all the time. Not his bottles but his solid food. And he is pretty good at it too. Other than that, not much else is going on. He continues to say more and more words, even things I haven't taught him yet. I think we are going to have a problem with him and jealously. If I show any affection to one of the other boys he immediately wants attention himself. And he hates it if I have another of the boys on my lap while he is up there. Sigh. So much for twins having an easier time learning to share.

Peter: I think he is going to have a lot of freckles like me. =) He has already started to get his first ones. One on his ear and one on his belly. So cute. And I think he and Ian are going to be closer than Isaac and Ian. They play together a lot and laugh at each other all the time. Peter especially likes to bounce Ian when he is in his bouncer. And then they both laugh. I love it! And I really feel like Peter has an amazing talent for music. I have heard him play parts of songs like Mary Had a Little Lamb and Jesus Loves Me. I would have thought it was a fluke but I've heard it multiple times and so have others. He adored the piano at my moms house over Thanksgiving and even has his fingers placed correctly and everything. He is getting a little piano for Christmas and I'm sure he will love it. When he gets older we will see if we can get him lessons. It may be a little harder to do because of his learning problems but we will do it. Oh and Peter did great again the other day for his OT. She started singing Twinkle Twinkly Little Star and left the last word off of each verse. And Peter filled them in!! He got all the words right. He has never done that before. The other times she has tried it he has just stared off into space. I am ecstatic because it means he is absorbing everything, it is just having a hard time coming out. And on that note I think I tend to sell Peter short. Others try to get him to do something and in a defeatist attitude I say, "Oh he can't do that." Well maybe he can and I just never gave him a chance. I feel terrible and am going to believe in him more and focus more on what he can do and not on what he can't do.

Now here are some pics:

When you're the mom to this many young kids you have to learn to multitask

Ian in his bathrobe.

Isaac meets goat

Isaac in the hay maze

Nobody here but us chickens!

First Autism Appointment

2009-12-02T20:35:00.000-08:00

Today was the first of many appointments we had to get Peter's testing started. This first appointment was for parents only. It was an emotional day for me. A dear friend of mine, Pam, texted me the day before to ask if I was nervous. I texted back and said, "No not nervous....." How very wrong I was. I ended up getting only an hour of sleep last night because I was so anxious about everything. Some tears were shed too.

Then today I was emotionally fried. I never actually cried but there were many times that tears came to my eyes. The drive to the hospital where our appoitment was took almost 3 hours. Thank goodness Micah was able to come with me and drive. Don't know if I would have had the energy to do it myself.

When we got there everyone was super nice. Smiles were on everyones faces, even the receptionist. You could tell that everyone was so happy to work there. It just confirmed to me that this was the place I wanted to take Peter. The drive was well worth it.

We have very little wait. Everything was super efficient. We waited less than 5 minutes to see the psychologist. Basically she just sat down with us and asked us our concerns about Peter. She typed everything we said into her laptop and it was alot. She told us that she will take this information and decide on the best way to evaluate Peter. The next time we come back (which won't be till Feb 15) we will bring Peter with us and that is when the bulk of the testing will be done. And the good thing is that these tests don't just test for autism. By the end of this we will know Peter's diagnosis, whether it be autism, sensory integration dysfunction, etc... And we will develop a plan of action on how best to help him.

I guess talking to a friendly psychologist about your child might not seem that upsetting. I think the thing that got to me was see the word autism typed out near my childs name. Seeing the pictures of other children with the disorder on the walls. It made it more real.

The part of the hospital we went to was not just for autism, it was for Downs syndrome too. There were also lot of pics of kids who had Downs syndrome on the wall as well. But I was particularly struck by one photo and wished I could have taken a picture of it. It was of an african american girl who looked to be around 8 years old. She was wearing a beautiful white dress and had a hoola hoop around her waist. That would have made a beautiful enough picture but what engraved the picture on my heart was her smile. I have never seen more joy on a human face in my entire life. I will probably never see that picture again but I will never forget that smile. So many times parents get the diagnosis of Downs syndrome while their child is in the womb and they feel like it is a death sentence. Many children are aborted because of it. But of how thankful I am that the parents of that little girl didn't let that diagnosis affect them. Her little face just radiated joy and I believe she is loved beyond measure and living a full life.

Anyways, beside the pictures was a story called Welcome To Holland, written by the mom of a special needs child. I have read it before and probably many of you have too. She put into words perfectly exactly how I feel. Here are her words:

"Welcome to Holland"

By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Best Thanksgiving Ever!

2009-11-30T20:58:00.000-08:00

I would have to say that this Thanksgiving was the best yet. Although Micah may not agree since he got a migraine Thanksgiving day and missed the dinner. =( I'm not sure what exactly made it the best but if I had to name one thing it was all the wonderful people we got to spend it with.

We left on Saturday to drive to Williamsburg VA with Micah's parents. We don't have any family there, it is just one of our favorite places to visit and we've been there on Thanksgiving several times. The drive there was sooo much easier with Micah's parents there. We had more adults than children which helped tremendously! All of us arrived much less tired than we would have been.

Sunday we (minus my inlaws) went to our old church for their service. The drive was about 45 minutes but it was so worth it. We've managed to visit there at least once a year since we moved and everytime we visit its as if we've never left. After the service we went out to eat with a bunch of our old friends and I got to see my friends new baby for the first time. Right after lunch was over Micah took the boys back to Williamsburg and I drove down to VA Beach to visit with a friend I've known since I was 5! I love how we have kept in touch all these years. Not many people my age can say they've been friends with someone for 25 years! Makes me feel like celebrating an anniversary or something. =) I only got to visit with her for a couple hours but once again it was so worth it. When I got back to Williamsburg we went out to eat. Full but fun day.

Monday we took the boys down to the aquarium in VA Beach. They loved it but definitely started getting cranky by the end. It was nice to take them somewhere like that because there isn't anything like that around here. The closest aquarium is over an hour and a half away. We went out to eat again that night. I think this was the night we also took the boys to the Yankee Candle Company. If you ever go to Williamsburg you have to stop by even if you don't plan on buying anything (which we didn't). The inside is set up like a little village. In the first room the ceiling is painted like the sky with a fountain in the center. There was also a huge clock and an animatronics (I think that's the right word) show at set intervals. When you go into the next big room the floor is cobble stones and there is a bridge. The ceiling in there is black with tons of little lights that look like stars. And about every 5 minutes it snows!! And I don't mean little bits of paper, it's snow and actually melts when it hits the ground. I'm not sure if they just make it snow in the winter or year round but the kids had a blast.

Tuesday we spent walking around the historical part of Williamsburg. We didn't go in many shops but it was neat to see people dressed up in colonial clothes with carriages going by. It was also decorated for Christmas. Then Tuesday night we drove to eat dinner with some dear friends.

Wednesday we left Williamsburg to drive up to my parents. Micah's parents went back home. The drive should have taken less than 4 hours but with traffic it ended up taking a little over 6. It was the first time Ian had gone to my parents.

Thursday of course was Thanksgiving. We ate a lot of good food. Like I said before Micah had a migraine but was able to come down later to eat.

Friday was spent relaxing. Friday night Micah, my sister, and I went to my brothers apartment which my parents babysat. We ate dinner, played games, and watched movies.

Saturday some other friends of my mine from highschool came over and brought their 6 week old baby girl. It was so good to see them since it had been over 2 years since we've seen each other. My brother came over again Saturday night and we all played games. Unfortunately Micah and I got some sort of sickness Tuesday evening. We're still not really sure what it was. I almost feel back to myself tonight. It never fails, I almost always get sick Thanksgiving week. I can count on one hand the number of times I haven't.

Sunday we drove back home. It was not fun at all. It was a lot harder getting the boys from the van into the places we stopped without his parents to help. Plus we both felt terrible. By the time we got home it was past everyones bedtime and the kids were cranky. Ian schedule was thrown off and was still off tonight too.

But that was a small price to pay for all the fun we had. I will remember this Thanksgiving for a long time.

I could write a list of things I'm thankful for but it all boils down to 3 things:

1) My God and Savior Jesus Christ
2) My family
3) And my friends, old and new

For any family and friends that are reading thank you! Each one of you have made my life special in some way and it wouldn't be the same without you. You are my real treasures.

And I am sooooo behind in posting pics. Someday I'll get to it. =)

Experts

2009-11-19T21:43:00.000-08:00

When I was a new mom I looked to the experts for everything because I knew...... nothing. The experts included my mom, books, doctors, therapists, friends, etc.... But sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. Too many cooks spoil the soup. Too many experts baffle the mommy. Because sometimes there is no cut and dry answer and many times there is no right answer or many right answers.

Take when to start feeding your baby solids for the first time. Everyone has a different answer. My pediatrician said 4 months, the boys therpists said 2 months or even earlier, the La Leche League says 6 months. Argh! What to do?!

At first when situations like that came up I would ponder all the answers for days, sometimes weeks. I just knew one of them had to be more right than the others and I wanted to do the absolute best thing for my babies.

But you know what? Sometimes the experts aren't really the experts. Sometimes you as the mommy are the expert even if you're a first time mommy and aren't sure what you're doing. So if you're stressing yourself out like I used to do over these things please don't. Just go with your gut. That mothers instinct really does exist. It will tell you what the right answer is for your kid. Maybe it's not the right answer for the kid next door but that doesn't matter.

And no, I am not an expert. =)

Prematurity Awareness Day

2009-11-17T19:42:00.001-08:00

November is prematurity awareness month and today (Nov. 17) is Prematurity awareness day. The March of Dimes has been collecting money for research and education on how to prevent premature births. If you want more information on what they do (or want to donate) you can click on the button below.

All of my boys were premature. The definition of premature in the medical community is any baby born before 37 weeks. The twins were born at 35wks 3days and Ian was born at 36wks 3days.

We kind of figured that the twins would be born early because almost all twins are born before 37 weeks. Thankfully we made it pretty far and they were born healthy and with no problems. They didn't have to spend any time in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) which is where some premies spend the first days, weeks, or months of their lives. Some never leave alive and some are born still.

So when my boys were born healthy and got to come to the room with us I thought we were in the clear. Take that prematurity! You can't hurt us! Wrong..... Just because they didn't have any problems initially didn't mean that their early birth had no effect on them. I was naive enough to think it did. Little did I know that there would be months and possibly years of therapy to come.

Isaac (our second born by one minute) needed physical therapy for about a year because he had low muscle tone. He achieved all his motor milestones late. At 4 months old he still had trouble lifting his head, didn't roll over till he was 7 months (many babies are crawling at this point), wasn't able to sit up on his own till almost 9 months (many babies are pulling up to stand by this time), wasn't crawling till his first birthday (many babies are walking at this point), and didn't start walking till he was 20 months old. Of course now you wouldn't know he had so much trouble. =) He is running, almost jumping, starting to get stairs down. But it took a lot of hard work for him to get to where he is now.

Peter (our first born) had no trouble with his motor skills but his prematurity affected him as well. It many affected his speech and cognitive skills. He has just now in the past month started saying words and he is still way behind on his play skills and reasoning skills. He will still read books upside down, spins the wheels on cars instead of making them go, banging blocks together instead of stacking them. He has trouble eating. Right now we are working on trying to get him to chew and bite off pieces of food instead of stuffing the whole thing in his mouth. I never though I would have to teach a baby to eat. I just thought that was a given. He has trouble following directions and for a while wouldn't respond to his name. Peter has a longer road ahead of him. We are definitely seeing improvements. But progress has been slow. We are still going through with autism testing for him. I have my first meeting with the hospital Dec 2nd. Sometimes I think that if they had stayed in my belly for just one more week they could have avoided a lot of these things.

Even Ian, who was born exactly one week later than the boys, was affected by his prematurity. They had to take him early because I developed HELLP Syndrome, which is a rare disorder that causes high blood pressure, seizures, liver and kidney failure, and sometimes death of the mother. It usually has no effect on the babies except that the only cure for it is to deliver the baby. And sometimes it is too soon for the baby to survive. Thankfully I was almost to term. But Ian was readmitted to the hospital 24hrs after we were discharged because he body temp was really low and he was starting to have apnea episodes (where he stops breathing for several seconds). Premies have a harder time than full term babies regulating their body temps. He spent another 3 days in the hospital. He had to get 2 spinal taps, an IV, many blood draws, was put under special lights for his jaundice, ect.... Once again I think if he had just stayed in there for a week longer many he could have avoided that. He's fine now and meeting all his milestones just fine. I'd like to think that he was in the clear but we thought Peter was fine too. He didn't start to really fall behind till after his first birthday.

However, after saying all this I want to say how blessed I feel. We got to take our babies home. Many parents don't. And even though they've had their struggles, they are minor compared to the struggles that some premies have. Some face chronic breathing problems, mental retardation, seizures, ect... Please take a moment and pray for those families who are struggling with grief over the loss of a baby or who struggle everyday to take care of a baby with health issues.

It is my hope and prayer that with organizations like the March of Dimes we can one day put an end to premature births.

Verdict - Broken

2009-11-12T20:07:00.000-08:00

Well we ended up taking Peter to the orthopedist yesterday because he still wasn't putting any weight on his leg. They took the splint off and I was hoping he would walk on it with the splint off but no such luck. They took another X-Ray and still didn't see any broken bones. But the doctor said that if he's not walking on it and it still hurts it is probably broken but the fracture is too small to see on X-Ray. He said if he had to guess he thinks that probably the bottom of his tibia is broken. So he had to get a cast. =( I'm going to bring a white marker (the cast is blue) to church on Sunday so everyone can sign it. They didn't say how long it had to be on but we go back on Monday so they can check to make sure it is fitted correctly and I will ask them then. I'm thinking he will probably get it off before Christmas.

I loved the staff at the office though! They kept saying what a good boy he was, that he was so sweet, and they could just eat him up. =) He was really good. Never cried, held perfectly still for the X-Ray and while they were fitting his cast. They gave him a hot wheels car to take home and some candy.

I'm sad that this happened to him but if it had to happen I'm glad it was at the beginning of winter and not the beginning of summer. It totally shocked me though because no one in either of our families has ever broken a bone.

The Accident

2009-11-10T11:21:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning was a beautiful day. I figured it was probably the last day of good weather until spring. So we decided to take the kids to the park. My inlaws went with us (love them!).

Everything was going great. Well Peter took a step off a piece of equipment and fell. He was only 2 feet off the ground at most. He cried but I thought it was because he was just startled. I noticed he was walking a little funny on his left foot but he was still walking on it. I thought maybe he just twisted it a little and it would be ok. Well within a couple minutes he wasn't putting any weight on it at all and when I even touched it lightly it seemed to really hurt him. The sad thing is I was standing right there when he fell. =(

We decided to take him to urgent care. They did an X-ray (which he was a complete trooper for, stayed perfectly still and didn't cry or anything). The X-ray showed no broken bones. But little kids feet are still mostly cartilage (it looked so strange on the X-ray because it looked like the bones were not connected at all). And because cartilage doesn't show up on X-rays it was impossible to tell if he had damaged the cartilage. So they put his foot in a splint to be on the safe side. They told me that if he still wasn't putting any weight on it by Monday morning that we needed to call an orthopedist.

Well Monday morning came and he wasn't putting any weight on it at all. So I called them and set up an appointment for Wednesday morning. Since then he has started putting weight on it. I almost feel like he might not be walking on it not because it hurts but just because the splint feels weird. The receptionist agreed that may be what's going on but that the doc should still look at it just in case. And this morning his entire splint feel off (I put it back on). So I decided to see if he would walk on his foot and he still wouldn't. I pressed on his ankle and he didn't make any noise but it looked like he did wince a little.

It didn't really phase him at all though. He is still laughing and playing as usual. The only difference is he is crawling instead of walking. It looks so strange to see 2 kids crawling again. =) Here are some pics of his foot:

Oh and I feel in a blogging mood right now so stayed tuned for more posts.

2009-11-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

So much is happening with the boys. I almost can't keep up with everything. =)

Ian: Well Ian has had his first table food. It totally wasn't planned. I wasn't going to start him on anything till at least 10 months and then only if he has teeth by then. But he has decided to start weaning himself. Neither Isaac or Peter ever did that. I had to slowly get rid of the bottle. But Ian has decided he's had enough with a liquid and mush diet. =) Any time the boys are eating at their little table he crawls over and waits for them to drop something. Reminds me of what the dogs we had growing up used to do. =) Of course I never let him eat anything for choking reasons. But one day I looked away for second and when I looked back I could see he was chewing something. I fished it out of his mouth and it was a huge peice of PB & J sandwich. So anyways on to his first table food. We took the boys to the mall play area on 10/18. We got the boys something to eat and Micah and I had chinese. Ian was trying to grab everything in site and put it in his mouth. I had brought some food for him but he wasn't having it. So I decided to just give him some and see what happened. I gave him a little bit of soft pretzel and he loved it! He ended up eating a bunch more. And it was so cute to watch the complete concentration on his face as he tried to master the pincher grasp to pick up the peices. Since then he has also had potatoe chips. I know, we're not starting him off to healthy. =) And now we are going full throttle with the table food thing. He's had a bunch of other stuff. It takes so long to get him to finish the bottle. I know he still needs that protein but it is a fight every time. He is still pulling up all the time but no cruising yet. And believe me I'm in no hurry. Oh and his first tooth is starting to pop through! It is still under the surface but I can see and feel the tiniest sharp bit sticking out. I felt it first a few days ago. Looks like unlike Isaac he won't be toothless on his first birthday.

Isaac: Isaac makes us laugh everyday. He is our performer and silly guy. He is interacting with the baby a lot more. He laughs at the baby and now that the baby can crawl over to him when he is playing he talks to the baby. He has helped me feed him a few times although the spoon usually ends up in Ian's eyes instead of his mouth. I also saw him reading to Ian once and it was so cute. Oh and a funny story. I was trying to teach Isaac the word for belly. So I was pointing to mine and saying, "belly!". After a few times he patted my belly and said, "baby!" Hmmmm..... guess I need to work a little harder on the whole exercise thing. Isaac and Peter have been so sweet together lately. Yesterday I walked into their room while they were still sleeping to find them snuggled up together in Isaac's bed. Of course I couldn't find my camera! Hopefully they will do it again one day.

Peter: What can I say, we are just over the moon at the fact that he has started talking. He is still using the words he said before, well except for thank you and counting. But it is very sporadic. But at least he hasn't lost it. He has also said some more words since then, "bite bite", "night night" and "Go!". That last one he actually used as a request to get his therapist to bounce him on the ball more. And he used it more than once so I know it is not a fluke. He has also been interacting with Ian a lot more lately. Before Peter hardly paid any attention to him because Peter was in his own little world. Speaking of which one of my family members said something very hurtfull to me when I told them about Peter's progress. I was thinking they would be all excited. Well they were pleased but mostly they proceeded to tell me the reason he is talking now is that I'm finally feeding him more and he is getting what he needs. That's right, my own family member accused me of starving my kid. I didn't say anything to them but I am very angry at them right now. I won't say anything to them unless they bring it up again. I can't believe they would have the nerve to say something like that. They should know me better. I mentioned this to all 3 of Peter's therapists and they thought it was rediculous. They have all seen him eat and in fact that's what one of the therapists is working with him on. They know what he is given and they think it is more than adequate. Besides if I had been starving him his Pediatrician would have said something. Anyways moving on. The therapist gave him a weighted blanket to help him fall asleep better. Once he goes to sleep he is a great sleeper but it will sometimes take him a couple hours to fall asleep. The weighted blanket calms him by making him feel like he is being hugged. It has lost a little of its effectiveness lately because I think he is used to it and his brother many times will be the instigator of getting out of bed. But bedtime is definitley going better than it used to. And one funny story. The same day we took the boys to the mall and Ian had his first taste of table food, the older boys were playing in the play area. Well I should say that Isaac was playing and Peter was running around chasing the girls. And when he would catch them he would give them a hug. At first the girls were very unsure and didn't like it. But after they realized he just wanted to give them a hug they made a game out of it. I didn't think we had to worry about chasing girls till he was a teenager. Yikes! =)

And here are some pictures. Halloween pics will be coming soon.

An Answer To Prayer!

2009-10-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

Thank you doesn't seem adequate but THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone who lifted up prayers on Peters behalf. God heard and today He answered in an awesome way.

As some of you know Peter doesn't say any words, not one and he's over 2 (which is just one of the reasons we are having him tested for autism, he doesn't even use signs). We've been praying for a while and I know many of you were too. Today I was playing with their cars and trains with them on the floor. I, my parents, and Isaac were all saying "Choo Choo!" while the boys pushed them around on the floor. Suddenly Peter said, "Choo Choo!" and not just once but many many times.

And it didn't stop there! One of his therapists came over today and while she was bouncing him on the big exercise ball he said "Wheee!" over and over. And then when he would do something for her he also said, "Yay!" Right when she was about to leave he even waved bye bye, something he has only done one other time!

But it didn't even stop there! While I was feeding Ian in the kitchen Isaac was standing next to me watching me. Suddenly from the playroom I heard Peter say, "Thank you!" And then the most amazing thing, he counted to 3! He COUNTED! And not just once. I sort of sat there in shock not really believing what my ears just heard. And thought to myself, 'Lord if he really did just do that, let him do it again." And then I heard, "One, two, three..."

There is no other answer but that God performed a miracle today. He went from saying 0 words to 4 words and counting in one day. For once it is not Peter that is speechless, but me........

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us," Eph 3:20

"But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, 'With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." Matt 19:26

Please, please don't stop praying though. Pray that he would continue to use these words and that he would start picking up new words everyday. And thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. My heart is overflowing with joy today. Blessed beyond measure.

Meeting With the Therapists

2009-10-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

Today we had a meeting with "all" the therapists to discuss Isaac & Peter's progess and future plans for them. I say "all" because 2 of the 3 therapists are sick with the flu. Ian has had the flu and is recovered but now has a double ear infection. Peter has the flu now but seems to be doing pretty well. And Micah has the flu now and hasn't been doing well at all. I feel like he probably needs to go to the doctor.

Anyways, the 2 therapists would couldn't make it personally called in. Isaac is doing fantastic! Today he was officially discharged from physical therapy! Woooo Hooo! We are adding speech for him though. It is nothing too worriesome. He is just not saying the amount of words he should. He is also not using words to request things. And we need to work on him getting the final sounds of words down. For instance star and car are pronouced stowa and carow. I have a feeling he won't need speech for very long. He is also continuing his developmental intervention even though the therapist says she would feel comfortable if I wanted to discharge him. He is only behind by a month in most areas and 3 months in one area. I decided to keep him in therapy just because every little bit helps and like I've said before if he is still in therapy when he is 3 then he goes to preschool for free. So this may sound weird but I want to keep him in therapy as long as possible. Now that doesn't mean I am holding him back or purposefully not teaching him things. It's just that if there is any delay at all I want him to stay in therapy.

Now Peter was a different story. We just switched his speech therapist so we'll see how things go with this new one. I am sooooo glad I switched and wished I had done it sooner but of course hind sight is 20/20. Basically EVERYTHING the other speech therapist was doing was wrong. I am sooo mad! I hope that she didn't set him back. Now granted the OT said that until we get his sensory problems sorted out that he probably won't talk but it couldn't have helped matters that we were using the wrong strategies for him. The speech therapist wants to start training him on a picture board. Basically when a child won't use speech to communicate (and Peter is saying zero words) the next step is to try and use sign language. We have been trying signs for months now with no luck. If that doesn't work then the next step is to use a picture board. Bascially this is where there is a poster board or magnets on the fridge that show pictures of objects around the house. It may have a picture of a cup, food, diaper, etc..... Peter is supposed to point to what he wants on the board. After he gets that down then we can try using the signs again. She is going to start training him on it soon. I had a little bit of a hard time hearing this because this is the sort of thing that is used with autistic kids. I know he hasn't been diagnosed yet but things just seem to be lining up in that direction.

Then the developmental interventionist (DI)talked about him. Very little progress. There has been some but it has been soooo slow. For those that don't know DIs work on a little bit of everything (speech, phycical therapy, cognitive skills, etc....) but their main focus is on the cognitive skills. And Peter is doing very poorly on those. He is also not very consistent. Some days we will do great but other days he will do very little. And it is the same story as the speech. Until he gets his sensory problems worked out he is not going to progress very much cognitively. This was hard to hear too.

Then the OT gave her report. This was the most postive report and that was because an OT works on just sensory issues. Peter has responded so well to everything she has done and we have seen a dramatic improvement in his eye contact, attention span, and focus since she's been working with him. We really need to get him more OT than just once a week. But we don't have the money for it now. I hope to get him 2 more days a week come next year so he is getting 3 days a week of therapy. One of the things she has given us that has helped tremendously is a weighted blanket. Peter used to get out of bed almost immediately after being put down for a nap or bedtime. Then he would wander around the room for an hour or more, climbing on his brother and disturbing him, getting in the closet, singing, etc.... Since we've used the blanket he rarely gets out of bed. I think I'm in love! He goes to sleep usually within 10 minutes of being put down! Basically a weighted blanket is just what it sounds like, a blanket that weighs a lot. It is full of beans. When he has it on top of him it makes him feel like he is being hugged or snuggled and this helps to calm him and put him to sleep. It is basically an older version of being swaddled.

So that was the report. Overall it was very positive.

Mad Lib

2009-10-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

At MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers - link is on my sidebar) today our topic was womens health. I was supposed to come up with some sort of game/icebreaker to go along with it. I decided to do a madlib. I found 2 madlibs online and joined them together and tweaked it a bit. It turned out pretty good. Here it is:

When Sally found out she was pregnant, she was so(1)________red_______(adjective). She immediately told her husband, Mark. He was so (2)________angry_________ (emotion, especially when he found out they were expecting (3)_____23____________(number) babies. As her pregnancy progressed, Sally began to feel as big as a (4)_____barn____________(noun). Finally, she went into labor. Sally stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her (5)___appendix____________(body part). Her contractions were coming every (6)______32____________(number) minutes. She had already gained (7)______8_________(number) pounds during her pregnancy, and it was difficult for her to(8) _______jump__________(verb present tense). Still, she was feeling very (9)_____worried____________(emotion) about the impending birth of her baby. Of course, the first thing she did was go to (10)___Holland____________ (location) and (11) _____google_________ (verb – present tense), to keep her mind off of the discomfort. When the contractions became more frequent, Mark suggested that she (12)_____skip____________(verb – present tense), till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She (13)______merrily________________(adverb) declined. She was sure it was time to go to (14)_____Florida_____________ (location) and give birth to her (15)_____happy__________ (adjective) baby. Before leaving she called the (16)_____teacher__________ (professional)and said she would be leaving right after she (17)______slept_________(verb – past tense). Within (18)__7___ (number) minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even (19)_______bite________________(verb – present tense) during a contraction. When Mark walked into the (20)___bathroom____________ (room) and saw her on her hands and knees (21)___trotting____________ (verb – ending in ing), he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the (22)____scooter___________(vehicle) and got everything ready. The drive to the hospital was (23)_____hot_____________ (adjective).Their doctor immediately sent them on a (24)___tricycle_______________(noun) to get settled in. The nurses measured Sally's contractions and found them to be (25)______22___________(number) minutes apart. She was feeling extreme pain in her (26)_____shoulder_______________(body part). It was almost time for Sally to (27)____drink____________(verb – present tense). She was (28)__56___ cms dilated and the baby's (29)___pinky toe____________ (body part) was right there. The doctor suggested she try (30)___picking her nose____________(verb ending in ing) through a few contractions.It worked! Her (31)____table___________ (thing) broke. The doctor instructed her to (32)_____cry_________________(verb – present tense) and after (33)______11___________(number) hours, the baby was born. While Sally was admiring her new baby however, Mark had just (34)___wigged_______________(verb – past tense) out. The nurses had to give him some (35)___diet coke_________________(noun) to revive him. Finally, Mark was able to see his new baby, and he remarked at what beautiful (36)____fuscia_______________(color) hair and (37)_______pink______________(color) eyes he had. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his/her father's (38) __elbows________ (body part) and his/her mother's (39)___boobs____________ (body part). He was also glad to see that he had (40)___1___________(number) fingers and (41)____573______________(ten) toes. Sally and Mark looked into each other's (42)____stomachs____________(body part) and smiled.

Oh and we did finally hear about the job today and not surprisingly he didn't get it. But I'm totally ok with that as we were praying for God's will and honestly it is a bit of a relief. Moving that far away would have been so stressful.

No News

2009-10-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

Well I was hoping to post something about the big day but we still don't know anything. Last Wednesday Micah interviewed for a job............ in Phoenix. He had applied for it 3 months ago back when we thought the plant would be shutting down in August. We had totally forgotten about the jobs he had applied for because it had been at least a month since he had applied for anything and he hadn't received one phone call. Until a couple of weeks ago. It took us completely by surprise and we felt it was God's will. But now that his interview has come and gone and we still haven't heard anything we both feel like he probably didn't get it. It would have been a great job too. It was working for the health dept there. A job he has done before and loved. It was his favorite job. But God knows what is best. I didn't have feelings either way on whether I wanted him to get it or not. There were good and bad points about either scenario. I just want to know one way or another. So we continue to wait.....

We did get one extremely good bit of news that I am excited about if we end up staying here. There is a therapy that is being used with great success on kids who have brain damage due to near drowing, choking, etc..... It is called HBOT (hyperbaric oxygen therapy). Basically you and your child sit in this small chamber and your child breathes in a higher concentration of oxygen at a higher pressure for an hour. Most of the time you have to do this multiple times a week to see any improvement. There is also some research to suggest that this sort of therapy might help autistic or sensory impaired kids.

But guess what..... insurance doesn't cover it and it is incredibly expensive. We're talking thousands and thousands of dollars for months of therapy. I thought it was something we would never be able to do. Well turns out there is a family that lives near us who have a daughter with severe developmental delays. Not sure if it is due to autism or what. But they started a foundation for their daughter to raise money for therapy. With the money they raised they were able to buy their own chamber. The chamber cost $70,000!!!! Her mother was so grateful for all the support that she allows other kids to come into her home and use the chamber............ for free!!! I couldn't believe it. One of Peter's therapists has already put in a call to her and she is excited for us to come out there. We are going to wait till Peter is in the midst of his testing because she wants him to have a script from his pediatrician for liability purposes and I don't think we would be able to get one unless we can prove that he needs it. But I am so excited!!! God is just opening doors in amazing ways!

Here is a link to a blog post explaining the therapy in more detail: http://colofisch.blogspot.com/2009/04/beginning-of-great-things.html

Big Day Tomorrow

2009-10-06T20:42:00.001-07:00

So tomorrow is a big day and could change our lives completely, in a good way. A couple of my friends reading this know what's going on. Please keep it hush, hush till I blog about it. =)

In other news Ian started pulling up on things Oct. 2nd, 2 days before he turned 8mos. Yikes! Slow down little one. There will be plenty of time for growing up.

Oh and what were the boys doing during their "nap" today? Why, ripping one of their closet doors off the hinges (literally). Now you're probably thinking it was the bottom hinge they removed. Oh no. They removed the TOP hinge! The pin was out and the door was hanging from the bottom hinge. How that is possible I don't know. I don't want to know. Sigh. So young, so much destruction. Think you have your house baby proofed. Think again. If this is how our house looks when they're 2, what will it look like when they're 12? Be afraid, be very afraid............ I prayed for patience and God gave me 3 boys. =)

Appointments Scheduled

2009-10-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

I called Cincinnatti Children's Hospital and scheduled all of Peter's appointments. I was actually surprised at how few appointments there were and how fast they would have a diagnosis. The first appointment is on Dec. 2nd. Only I have to come to this appointment. They basically interview me and gather info on Peter. The next appointment is in Jan. This is when a psychologist will evaluate Peter. Based on the evaluation they will decide which test to run. There are about 50 tests they can use to diagnose autism. Each kid with autism is different, hence the large number of tests. They want to make sure they pick the test that will give the most accurate results for Peter. Peter will then go back pretty quickly after the evaluation to get tested. Then just I go back in Feb. for another interview. Then Mar. 23 Peter will get a speech evaluation. Then on Mar. 25th they will have the diagnosis. So we will know in 6 months. It both seems so close and yet so far away.

I was looking at pictures of Peter the other day. And up until about 14 months he has this vibrant smile and a sparkle to his eyes. Then around that time his smile is not as big and his eyes start to look a little vacant. Oh how I miss that smile!

Oh, and Isaac has a new game now, follow the baby. =) Anything Ian does Isaac will do. They are definitely starting to play together more. I love watching it but at the same time it makes me a little sad because Ian plays with Isaac more than Peter does.

Moving Along

2009-09-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Our God is an awesome God! I was pretty upset last Tuesday. I sang to Peter all day hoping he would sing back to me and I got nothing. Then Wednesday I sung all day too. Wednesday afternoon I was in the other room when I heard a noise. I stopped to listen and it was Peter singing! Twinkle Twinkle Little Star has never sounded so beautiful! He has sung a few more times since then. Tears streamed down my face and I ran to scoop him up in a hug.

Today the boys had their 2 year appointments. Isaac was about 27lbs and 34" and Peter was about 24lbs and 32". No shots today thank goodness but they did have to get a blood test for lead. Poor Isaac. It was right around their nap time and he cried through the whole appointment.

We asked the doctor for a referral to Cincinnatti Children's Hospital, to test Peter for autism, and she agreed to call one in. This was a relief because I was afraid that she might try to dismiss my concerns. But she agreed that he should be tested. I have heard that the testing process is a long one (as much as 10 months!). And it will be hard because the hospital is a 2hr drive from us. The next 10 months is not going to be easy and will be one of the hardest waits I have ever had to endure. Please pray that the process goes smoothly and that at the end of it all we find out he does not have autism.

Some happy news..... Ian has learned to get into a sitting position all by himself! He did it the first time last Tuesday. So now he can go anywhere he wants and play with anything he wants. He is one happy baby! Next stop pulling up. I can't believe how fast he is achieving his milestones. I am not used to this but it is a big relief! Finally one of my kids will not need therapy.

The Day the Music Died

2009-09-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

A long, long time ago...

I can still remember

How that music used to make me smile.

I cant remember if I cried.....................

But something touched me deep inside

The day the music died.

~Don McLean~

Peter had a therapy appointment today and it did not go well. I wrote a post on here about a month ago about how Peter could hum all sorts of songs. He did it all the time. Well I haven't really heard him singing for about 3 weeks. I thought nothing of it but the therapist is afraid that is a skill he has lost. I asked her what she meant, and she said, "I think you know what is means." I nodded. Autism.

This is one of the times in my life that I really hope I am wrong. And the thing is that everyone else I've talked to, including his developmental interventionist doesn't think he has it. But I can't shake this feeling. It feels like mother's intuition.He has so many of the symptoms. In fact he has almost all of them. Except for the social part. He is affectionate and likes to play games with others, etc... And this is why everyone says he can't have it. But he has every other symptom.

They have their 2 year appointment next week and I'm going to mention getting him tested. I must say that this scares me to death. Most people with autism are not able to function in the world on their own. Although I have heard of a couple cases now where autism has been cured in children. And if he is diagnosed you can bet that I am going to find out all I can on how they did it.

Here are some of the strange things I've noticed: He has atypical play (i.e. he doesn't play with objects the way they are supposed to be played with). This is especially true of anything with wheels. He will flip it over and just spin the wheels for a few minutes. He has trouble responding to his name sometimes although I hope that this is just because he is so focused on something. There is a definite possibility that he has ADD because Micah was diagnosed with it a few months ago.He has eating issues. He will stuff as many bites into his mouth as it can hold. And then he will start crying because he can't even chew or he will start gagging.I guess I haven't written about this before because I was afraid that if I put it into words it will come true. I have been praying about it and am trying just to give it over to God and not worry. But it is so hard.

The therapists have said that no doctor around here will diagnose it before age 3 and to me that is unacceptable. If we have to fly to Timbukto I will find a doctor that will check him out. Because with autism the earliest it is caught the better. And many kids have been cured of it and I believe that if he has it he can be cured of it too. I want him tested before age 3.

My friend today told me that autism is not a death setence and that things will work out and we'll find therapy to help. She's right. There are lots of kids out there who have it way worse than Peter. But it still hurts, it's still a shock and no mother likes to see their kids struggle.

So Many Things

2009-09-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

So sleeping in the big boy room has been quite a challenge lately. The boys almost immediately get out of bed and start running around the room giggling, getting in the closets, etc.... Tonight and last night were a little better. We only had to go back in their rooms about 5 times instead of 20 times. But still it's exhausting. We will be keeping Ian in his crib longer than they were so we can hopefully avoid all this. I think the main reason they keep getting out of their beds is because they share a room. If they were by themselves I don't think there would be as much of a problem.

Peter started his Occupational Therapy (OT) on Friday. And although I know we are not going to see an instant improvement I can tell that this is going to help him tremendously. Already we are seeing a difference in his attention span, his amount of eye contact, his response to requests, etc... I'm excited to see what he is going to be like 6 months from now. Now if we could only get him to talk! I will post something in the next few days about what specifically we are trying to work on with him and the signs of sensory disfunction in case someone reading this thinking their child might have it too.

Ian is just growing by leaps and bounds. He can now sit by himself. He can't get into a full sitting position by himself but he can get down from one. He has been pulling up onto his knees for a week now. I just may have a baby who is walking by his first birthday. That is so strange to me.

On Saturday we went to the annual family reunion and Micah's Great Aunt's farm. We had a blast and couldn't have asked for more perfect weather. There were quite a few people who couldn't make it but hopefully we will be able to see them around Christmas time. The boys (all 3) went on a wagon ride, threw rocks in the pond, got on the swings, tried to climb the jungle gym, went on the go round, and ate a ton of good food. Pics to come of this soon. I love that Micah's family has made this an annual event. It's something I never had growing up. All my family was spread all over the country (New York, Kansas, Florida, Maryland). So we hardly ever got together. Plus there seemed to always be a lot of drama in my family. Someone was always mad at someone. That doesn't seem to happen with Micah's family. Everyone is so pleasant and loving. I think it has something to do with the fact that his family seems closer to God than mine. I'm glad the boys are able to grow up with so much loving family around.

On Sunday they started a childrens choir, story time, and snack time at our church during the evening service. Micah and I are in charge of the story time. We have 3 groups of kids (3-4 yr olds, K - 2nd grade, and 3rd - 5th grade). They rotate through the 3 activities so we get about 20 mins with each group. At first I thought that amount of time would be too short but it is just right. About that time their attention starts to go. I had a lot of fun and I think the kids all really enjoyed it. I will miss being able to hear the message on Sunday nights but at least I will still be in the service on Sunday morning and Wednesday evening.

And finally today I got contacts for the first time. Getting them in the first time was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It seemed to take forever. I finally got them in though. At least taking them out was easy. My vision is still blurry but I think my eyes just haven't adjusted yet to not having to look through glasses. I really like them already though and wish I had done this sooner.

2!

2009-09-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this yesterday but we have been crazy busy this weekend. The boys had 2 parties, one on Saturday and one today. Plus we had to finish getting their big boy rooms ready. Satudays party was a family party with Micah's parents, his Nanny, his aunt and uncle, and brother. As I thought the boys didn't really know what was going on, but they still had fun.

And we sort of finished their big boy room. At least we finished as much as we could. We are still waiting for the other quilt to come in. And we want to buy some curtains, a lamp, and I want to do some art for their walls. But at least the main parts are there. Pictures will be coming soon. Last night was the first night they slept in their rooms. Just as I suspected it didn't go too well. At first I thought they were doing great. But they were just in their running around and playing for a good hour after we put them to bed. Then around 9 they started to get tired were going to the door and crying as if to say, "Ok we're ready for bed now. Please take us to our room." Peter actually did ok, it was mostly Isaac that was scared. I kept having to go in there and comfort him. A couple times I lay down with him. Finally by 10:30 they went to sleep. I was afraid they would wake up scared in the middle of the night but they slept all the way through till morning. A funny story..... The boys have never had pillows before. The first thing Isaac did when he say his bed was frown at the pillow and then throw it off. =)

Then today was a party with some ladies from the MOMS Club. It was fun. We were actually celebrating 4 birthdays. Peter and Isaacs and then another set of twins who have the exact same birthday! I think that is so neat. What are the chances. They are one year older. So I had 2 cakes. Will post pics of that soon too. The kids did great although Isaac and Peter decided to try a new diet. Isaac was eating the sand from the sandbox like it was candy. Yuck! =P And Peter decided that blue sidewalk chalk was his food of choice. There are going to be some interesting diapers later.

I was a little sad that they were another year older but not as sad as I was on their first birthday. I think it will get easier with each birthday. They bring me such joy everyday. I don't know what I would do without them.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, Always forever my babies you'll be.

On 8:17pm September 7th 2007 God turned our sorrow into joy and at 8:18pm he doubled it.......

Big Boys

2009-09-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

This weekend is mostly being spent getting the guest room ready for the twins to move into, hopefully Monday evening. We are painting it, got their bedspreads and mattresses. It is exciting and fun but also bitter sweet. Just another reminder that my babies are growing up. When they turn 2 in 3 days (Yikes!) I won't be able to call them babies anymore. Although they will always be my babies in my heart. I find it funny that when we are young we can't wait to grow up and when we are grown up we wish we were young again. We are never saitisfied. I wish I knew the secret of being content right where I am at. If anyone has found it please let me know.

The boys make me laugh everyday and bring such joy to my heart. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of being called their mom. Parenting is such a scary thing sometimes. When you are expecting all you can think of is the joy you will feel when you get to see your little one. Then once he/she has entered the world, suddenly it hits you. You are responsible for a human soul. You are the one that has to see they are shaped into the man/woman they were meant to be. It is a daunting task and once I couldn't accomplish alone. Thank goodness my Lord is walking with me through this whole mothering thing.

We're Back!

2009-09-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

Vacation was good. I ended up getting sick for 2 days of it. I had some sort of digestive thing. I think it may have been something I ate rather than a bug because I got it on Thursday and then was fine Friday. Then had something similar the day we drove back. That was a fun drive. I had to drive since Micah had to go back early since he was on call. But all in all it was good and relaxing. Didn't do much which is fine by me. Will post pics soon. I got some beautiful pics of the lake at sunset.

Today was a good day. For the past 5 months my in-laws have been gracious enough to take all 3 boys every Tuesday so I could get a break. It was heavenly. Well my MIL recently got a teaching job so they are not able to do that anymore. But my FIL was still willing to take 2 of them. So I've been alternating which baby gets to stay home with me on Tuesdays. The week before vacation it was Ian. And today it was Isaac. I love it. I could totally get used to this one baby thing. =) It was so easy. Can't say that Isaac liked it as much as I did though. He loves his Papaw. And the poor thing cried for several minutes after he left and kept going to the door as if to say, "You forgot me!" But he soon calmed down and I think he really liked having my undivided attention.

Also today I had a meeting with all of Peter's therapists, minus the speech therapist. He will now be getting OT (occupational therapy) in addition to PT (physical therapy), and ST (speech therapy). He is going to have 7 therapy appointments a month. While this is good for his development I really can't wait for the day when we no longer have to do this. There are many days I wish we could be a normal family and Peter could be a normal almost 2 year old. It gets very stressful at times.

I'm really hoping that the OT is going help him a ton. Basically OTs deal with sensory issues. And he definitely has Sensory Integration Disorder. In short he has trouble processing things his senses tell him. It also means that he gets stimulated by different sensory things such as seeing things spin, music, different textures. This means that he doesn't play with his toys correctly. Instead of pushing a car across the floor he will flip it over and spin the wheels. Instead of stacking blocks he will just feel them. This also means that he avoids certain things. He hates grass and refuses to walk through it unless someone is holding his hand. He hates anything that vibrates, like hair clippers, electric toothbrushes, toys, etc...

This wouldn't be a problem except that it is interfering with his development. Everyone has sensory issues of some kind. There may be certain textures or sounds that you absolutely avoid cause you can't stand them. That's perfectly normal. When it becomes a problem is when it interferes with everyday life. And that's where Peter is at. He is not where he should be cognitively and speech wise because of his sensory issues.

I really, really hope this therapy gets him to where he needs to be. Because if it doesn't then the next step will be to test him for autism and I really don't want to go there.

Oh and on a happier note Ian has been crawling for at least a week now. It still takes him a long time to get where he wants to go but he gets the job done. Oh and he really needs to read the baby books. Doesn't he know that he is supposed to be able to sit up before he starts crawling? ;)

Missions Director

2009-08-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well the pastor has asked Micah to become the missions director at our church and Micah has accepted. We are so excited about what God is going to do at this church! There have been amazing changes in just the few short months we have been there. The pastor is so passionate about fulfilling the great commission and reaching people with the gospel.

Right now we are looking to partner with a church in Chicago that is just starting up. I believe there are only 20 members right now. 11 of those have just recently been baptized. Wow! It is called Chicagoland Community Church. If the church votes yes to partnering with them Micah will be contacting the pastor to see how we can help. We hope to have the pastor from that church come and speak to our church about their ministry. We also hope to start having 3 missions trips a year up to that church. Once that church has really got going we would still keep in contact with them but we would then partner with a different church that is just starting up.

The pastor would also eventually like to see us partner with missionaries or churches that are trying to spread the gospel to unreached people groups. This is what excites me the most. Our pastor has said that if all we are doing is just building up our church then we have failed. I couldn't agree more. And our pastors ultimate dream is to see God call a bunch of missionaries from our church to the mission field. How awesome would that be!

VACATION!

2009-08-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

We're leaving tomorrow to stay a week at Deep Creek Lake with my parents, brother, and sister. It will be the first time my siblings have seen Ian so I'm excited. We went here for vacation last year. While it is very beautiful, everything here is so expensive. I got a taco dinner last year and it cost me about $14 with my drink. Yikes. But it will be so relaxing and it will be nice to have some help with the boys.

Speaking of the boys here are some more pics:

Isaac being silly =)

Peter always has his fingers in his mouth.

Boys Update

2009-08-20T19:30:00.001-07:00

Ian: He will be able to crawl any day now. He can get himself all the way across the room now. He will crawl for a couple steps and then flop on his stomach and pull himself, then crawl, then pull. I am just amazed at how quickly he is doing things. He's been saying dadadada for about a week now. Of course he doesn't know what he is saying but it is still sweet.

Isaac: He said Peter's name for the first time today or at least it was the first time I recognized it as Peter's name. I walked into their room this morning and he said, "Hi Peter!" as clear as day. Only it sounded more like, "Hi Pedor!". =) He has also just learned how to climb up on the chairs to reach things on the table. We are in real trouble now.

Peter: Is a musical genius. Well ok, maybe not a genius but he just amazes me with his musical ability. He can hum 4 songs now perfectly. He knows all the verses and doesn't miss a note. He can also do scales! And we have not taught him that. I don't know how he knew to do it. He will just choose a sound like da or ba and go all the way up the scale for the whole octave!

You Know You Have A Lot of Babies When....

2009-08-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

1) People ask: How's the baby? And you answer, "Which one?"

2) Pampers stock rises exponentially whenever you buy diapers.

3) You go to pick up your kids from the church nursery and take half the nursery with you.

4) Your spouse tries to burp you in your sleep. (And yes this really did happen. =) Not when Ian was born. But I guess we were so sleep deprived when we had the twins that he sort of lost touch with reality. Oh and it didn't just happen once, but multiple times. =))

6 Month Checkup

2009-08-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ian had his 6 month check and everything went really well. He was 15lbs 3oz and 25" long which puts him in the 10th percentile. I love my little guy! I guess I just tend to have small babies which is fine by me as long as they are healthy.

He is the most laid back baby ever. Throughout the whole exam he was having a good old time and cooing up a storm. Well until the shots that is. But even then he only cried for about 10 seconds till I picked him up and then he was completely fine.

Can't believe he is already half way to his second birthday. Where has the time gone?

I Don't Miss It

2009-08-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

We have been without TV for a week now and I honestly don't miss it. We decided to give up TV after our anniversary trip to amish country. I guess they inspired us to live a simpler life. We didn't really watch it all that much anyway. And I think the thing that bothered me most was even if we were watching a totally clean show (which are very few and far between) the commercials would be bad. Plus that is an extra $50 a month that could go toward other things. So we threw away our big TV. We kept our small one and will just use that to watch videos. I've been toying with the idea of getting Netflix as it is only $10 a month and we could choose the videos we want to watch. Another reason for getting rid of it is that we find we are using our time better. I'm reading my Bible more and spending more time with the boys.

Oh and in other news Peter has been showing some improvement with his therapy. Just in case anyone who's reading this is wondering, the boys have been in therapy for a few months now. A lot of premies end up needing therapy to catch up to where their peers are. Twins and higher order multiples also usually end up needing some type of therapy. Since my boys were premie multiples it was a double whammy. Isaac is only a few months behind now from where he needs to be. Peter on the other hand is almost a year behind and we have seen little improvement even after starting therapy. Isaac is in physical and developmental therapy. Peter is in speech, developmental, and will probably also start occupational therapy soon. One of the things occupational therapy deals with is sensory disorders. We think Peter may have one. Some of the reasons for this are he is super sensitive to textures (he absolutely hates walking on the grass), goes into almost a trance whenever music is playing, walks on his toes a lot, just feels toys instead of playing with them, stuffs his mouth completely full of food, etc.... The occupational therapist is coming by tomorrow to evaluate him. We are also looking into the possibility of him having an alergy to gluten or even celiac disease. He gets yeast rashes a lot and not just in his diaper area but also under his chin and on his chest. He is also anemic and gets tired easily. All these can be symptoms in children. I think we will start to eliminate gluten from his diet to see if it helps.

For some reason Peter has been doing a lot better since Tuesday. It was like a switch flipped or something. He was playing with his toys correctly, if a piece of a toy was taken from him he would go after it instead of just forgetting about it, he was interacting a lot with Isaac and us. He was like a different kid. I wish I knew why this happened. I don't think we did anything different. He was actually with his Mamaw and Papaw all day. I'll have to ask them what he did that day and what he ate. Maybe we can find the answer.

Our First Day of School & Thoughts On Preschool

2009-08-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

So I had to wait till today to try out that curriculum I posted about the other day because I ended up with a 24hr stomach virus. Ugh... Really hope the kids don't get it.

But school today went great! We were only able to do it for about 30mins before the kids got bored but that was plenty of time to do the lesson plan plus some extra things. I'll have to post pics of the boys first art project later. I had to help out a lot though. I had so much fun doing this. I think it is going to become one of my favorite parts of my day. Just a note though to say that the main part of the curriculum states that it is for 16mos - 2 and a half years. However the art project we did today, making "apple pies", is really more suited to 2 and a half to 3 and a half. Mainly because until then kids are still sticking a lot of things in their mouths and when your are painting with glue and paint mixed together that is not a good thing. =)

So this got me thinking a lot about preschool. I went to preschool when I was little, my husband didn't. We both did just fine when we got into kindergarten. That being said I feel like preschool isn't necessary for most kids. Now for some it is essential because they may need a little help or maybe they are an only child and need to get used to socializing with others. For instance I think preschool will help Peter tremendously because of his developmental delays. Isaac I think would be fine without it. Besides all the stuff that they learn at preschool you can teach them at home anyway, for free. And that is another big reason why we will not send our kids to preschool unless we strongly feel they will benefit from it.

Preschool programs around here run anywhere from $18 a day to $25 a day. So lets do the math. Lets say you send your kids to preschool 4 days a week at $20 a day. That would be $80 a week. Lets just say you send them 30 weeks out of the year. That is $2,400 a year. For one child. I have 3 so that would be $7,200 a year for all of them. Yikes! We do not have that much money lying around.

However like I said we will probably try to send Peter because of his delays. And actually if he is still delayed by the time his is 3 (I'm really hoping he's not) then he gets to go for free. Now I realize that a lot of moms work and in that case you might as well send them because then they can be learning while you are away. But I think if you are a stay at home mom, maybe you should consider just teaching your kids this stuff at home. Think of all you could do with that $2,400!

For anyone reading this let me know what your thoughts are on preschool. Are you going to send your kids or not? At what age are you going to send them? Why? I would love to hear from you. Maybe there is something I haven't thought about.

School Is In Session (Mommyssori Style)

2009-08-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

My friend Aimee posted a link to a really neat preschool curriculum in her blog. Actually the curriculum is for 16 month olds to 2 and a half year olds. But if you have older children she has a TON of ideas on there for how to adapt it for older kids too. So really I would say the website is for kids 16mos until Kindergarten. I have looked it over and it is awesome! It is Christian based which is great too although you can still use the curriculum without that. And the best part is it is FREE! There are plans for each day of the year (Monday - Friday only of course). It has Bible verses & lessons, gross/fine motor skills, creative activities, numbers, colors, shapes, letters, etc... I really can't say enough good things about it. We plan on starting it tomorrow. Here is the link: http://www.pammshouse.com/toddlers.html

In addition to that I have also been trying to implement some Montessori (or as I like to call it mommyssori) methods at home too. In a nut shell Montessori is mostly about teaching them to be more independent, be able to focus better on a task at hand, and have respect for others. There are 2 books I would highly recommend if you are interested:

How to Raise An Amazing Child The Montessori Way by Tim Seldin

(This book is helpful because it gives a lot of activities to work with your child)

Montessori From The Start by Paul Polk Lillard and Lynn Lilard Jessen

(This book is helpful if you want to start implementing the methods from birth. There were some suggestions in the book that really didn't work for our family and I thought were a bit extreme but overall I found the book helpful)

So why am I starting all this? I just thought this would be good preparation for when the boys went to school for real. All these things help give me a focus so I don't just feel like my teaching is random. We still haven't decided on whether we will send the boys to preschool or not (although if Peter remains in therapy until he is 3 then he will automatically be put into preschool for free). But I will save the preschool debate for another post.

Pics

2009-08-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

The boys change everyday. Ian can sit up with a little help. I have to still hold him steady but he is very close to sitting up on his own. He gets into the hands and knees position now in preparation for crawling. He seems to be a little more serious than the other two. It takes a lot for him to laugh. But when he does it is music to my ears. He is also very observant. One of his favorite things is just to watch everything that is going on around him.

Isaac says more and more words every day now. And he loves to dance! =) He started just doing it on his own. He will stay in one place and continually stomp his feet while saying, "Dan, dan!" But he has a temper and gets frustrated very easily. He is definitely our strong willed one. We are dealing with temper tantrums now, so if anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them. Right now we are just ignoring them but I really want to nip them in the bud.

Peter is still our quiet one. Although he has said some words now he is not really using them. He will say them for one day and then never say them again. The only word he says on a regular basis is 'Uh Oh'. The therapist is concerned and so am I. Actually I've been concerned for a while now but too afraid to post it. I was hoping he would be better by now. But also he is a boy of few words he is so loving. Whenever he sees me in the morning or when I come back from an outing he gives me the biggest hug. It warms my heart.

Peter still wants to be the baby sometimes.

Humbled

2009-07-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

Great things have been happening at our church lately. People have been coming to Christ, baptized, stepping up to take on new ministries...... It has been amazing.

I am becoming friends with one of the new believers (I'll call her J). Her enthusiasm and thirst for the word of God is contagious and humbling. I remember when I first came to faith in Jesus that I was also eager to learn more about him and was excited at the new life I had started. But as it is with most Christians, as you get further and further away from that day you first accepted Him as your personal savior, the excitement starts to fade. And the thing is it shouldn't. We should be just as excited about Christ now as we were back then.

I am learning so much from her and my excitement is starting to come back. If you think that you can only learn things from people who have been Christians for a while (I was once guilty of this), then you're wrong. She is teaching me so much.

So I thought it would be good for us to get together every so often and study the Bible together. She was very excited by the idea and then asked the question, "Do you know the Bible?" All of a sudden I felt like I was at a job interview. I sort of stumbled and told her when I was saved, that I've read through the entire bible twice, that I try to read it every day (although I sometimes fail to do this). Then she said she had been hoping to get together with someone who had been a Christian for a while so she could ask them questions and learn more.

Wow. That God would allow me to be the one to help this new believer navigate through her faith is completely humbling. I don't feel prepared or worthy to do this task He has asked me. Even though I know the Bible fairly well there are still so many questions that I have. But if God has asked me to do it then He will give me the tools to do it.

This has given me a renewed sense of deligence for studying His word. The last thing I want is for her to ask me a question and for my answer to be terribly wrong.

She hopes to learn from me but little does she know that she is the one who has been teaching me already.

Therapy Day & Ian Is Ian Now

2009-07-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for the anniversary wishes. =)

Today was a therapy day for the boys, speech for Peter and physical for Isaac. They did really great. Peter said the word candy twice (already taking after mommy) and said hi too.

Ian is changing so fast. He can sit up now with support, loves to grab things, and is really trying to crawl, although I don't think that will happen for a while yet. One of the things he loves is when I put him on the bed on his back and bounce him. I have a cute video of that. This Saturday I'm going to try to figure out how to post videos on here because I don't think I've posted one yet.

Oh, and Ian is officially Ian now. What do I mean by that? Well since he was born, Ian was Samuel according to the U.S. government. Samuel is his middle name not his first name. Yet Samuel was listed as his first name on his birth certificate and his SS Card. I'm not sure where the mixup was. But it was a little frustrating to have to get all that changed. So today I finally went down to the SS office (yeah, I put that off as long as I could) and got it changed. So Ian is now officially Ian!

7 Years

2009-07-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

7 years ago I married my best friend. So much has happened in those 7 years: A move to Indianapolis, I started grad school, I dropped out of grad school, we started trying for a baby, we moved to Norfolk VA, Micah started seminary, found out we were infertile, started IVF, found out we were expecting twins, Micah dropped out of seminary, moved to be closer to family, the twins were born, found out we were expecting another baby without an treatment, Ian was born.

I wonder what the next 7 years will hold and hope that we will celebrate 10 times the # of anniversaries we already have. It is possible. By the time we are married 70 years I will be 92 and Micah will be 93.

I must admit that we have lost a lot of the romance in our relationship. I know that is a totally normal thing but it still makes me sad. I think we can regain some it but it will never be like it was when we were first dating. I miss that sometimes.

Here are the words to our first dance at our wedding:

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love
Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love
Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end
Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love

He has in so many ways.....

And here is part of a poem I wrote to him a long time ago. We used to write each other poems all the time:

I have waited my whole life for a love such as this
I know that what I have is real by the passion of your kiss
And when the final sunset comes our spirits will join hands
And together we will walk as one through times eternal sands

Here are some pics from 7 years ago:

A pic from our wedding shower

Our engagement photo (the quality is bad because I had to scan it in)

We had a dove release at our wedding. It was one of my favorite parts

Back in my skinny days. =)

Love Dare

2009-07-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

We had a great anniversary trip. It was short but everything about it was perfect.

Every marriage has its problems. I used to think that ours was perfect. I think that is a common misconception among newlyweds. Well we certainly aren't newlyweds and our marriage definitely isn't perfect. For over a year now our marriage has been going through some struggles. Nothing big enough to ever break us apart but we've had to work through some things.

I'm not sure what caused things to get to the point where we realized there was a problem. I think lack of communication was a big factor. We're definitely better about talking about our feelings. I think part of it was ignoring obvious problems and hoping they would get better on their own. That never works. We've finally confronted some of the problems head on. And part of it is we don't have as much time to spend together since having kids. Having Micah's parents here to watch the kids while we go out every now and then has certainly helped with this.

Recently we watched the movie Fireproof. I highly recommend this movie if you haven't seen it. It is low budget and some parts of it are cheesy but it is one of the best movies I've ever seen. It made me take a hard look at our marriage and want to fix things.

I also bought the book The Love Dare. It is based on the movie. You are supposed to read it over 40 days. Each day has a passage to read and then something you are supposed to do to help improve your marriage. It is a great book. It talks about how you can't change your spouse. You can pray for them but you can't change them, only God can do that. So the focus of the book is on changing your thoughts, attitudes, and actions towards your spouse.

I originally bought it without Micah knowing and I was going to start doing the dares each day as a gift for him and surprise him at the end. Well he found out about it but promised not to look at the book to see what the dares were. I meant for day 40 to be on our anniversay, which is tomorrow but I forgot to the do the dares some days so I'm not going to make it. But it will still be special. I've already seen an improvement and hopefully by the end our marriage will be stronger than ever.

Anniversary Trip

2009-07-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

We are going away for one night tonight to celebrate 7 years of marriage! Our real anniversary is July 27th. I can't believe it has been 7 years. Micah got a free night at a hotel in Coshocton OH. Nowhere fancy but hey it's free! He got the free night because of staying there so long for work reasons. He was up there for 3 and a half months.

The town is near amish country so there are a bunch of shops that sell homemade everything. We plan on stopping to eat at the Cheesecake Factory on the drive up. Then Saturday we will take advantage of the free breakfast the hotel offers (eggs, waffles, biscuits and gravy, ect...). We'll drive around amish country stopping at the cheese factory located there and buy some fresh cheese. Yum! Then on the drive back we will stop at the Melting Pot for dinner, which is my favorite restaurant.

It is going to be so nice getting to spend this time alone with Micah.

God's Will

2009-07-23T20:03:00.001-07:00

I don't really think I had a firm grasp on how to recognize God's will until now. And I know I still don't have it 100% right but I think I understand it better now than I ever did before. I hope no one reading this thinks that I am preaching to them. I'm not. I'm just writing my thoughts mainly so I won't forget them.

I think there are 2 types of God's will. One is general, i.e. how we are supposed to live and treat one another and glorify him.

I think I should clarify something though in case anyone reading this gets confused. Doing those things (i.e. living a good life, treating others fairly, ect....) does not get a person into heaven. I am not working my way in. Because if that was how people got into heaven then that means that it is because of what I am doing that makes me good enough to get in. Nothing I do can make me good enough to get in. The bible says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) God cannot tolerate any sin at all. I may say but I've been a relatively good person, sure I've lied a few times but it's not like I have killed anybody. But that doesn't matter. God hates sin period. Let me put it this way: would you rather live in a world with very little crime, or a world with no crime period. I think we would all pick the second option. And that is what God demands, perfection. The penalty for any sin at all is death. "For the wages of sin is death..." Romans 6:23. So then if I should die if I commit any sin at all, what enables me to go to heaven. The second half of that last verse says, "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So eternal life is a gift and not anything I earn. But how do I get that gift? "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast." Ephesians 2:8&9. The bible says we are saved through faith. We need to believe that Christ died to pay the penalty for our sins. Basically he took our punishment so we wouldn't have to. And that if we acknowledge we have sinned and believe he died for us and that is all we need, then he promises to give us eternal life. So if we don't do good deeds to get eternal life, why do we do them? For those who have been saved through faith, we do them because we love God and want to please Him. But not to get anything in return. We do it just because we love Him and want to do His will. Sorry for the long explanation, I just wanted to make sure that anyone reading this understands what I meant by living how God wants us to.

Ok, so there's God general will and then there is God's will for your specific life. What he wants you to do specifically in this life. And that is where I always seemed to get hung up. Because I didn't really know how I was supposed to figure this out. Obviously I am supposed to pray about it but it is not like I will ever hear an audible voice telling me what to do. When you ask Jesus into your heart, and accept His gift of grace you receive the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit guides you through life. But once again, it is not like you hear an audible voice. So I would go through life never really being sure if I was doing what God wanted me to. Well I don't believe that God always shows you the whole picture. He shows you step one of a many step process. We may not even know where the whole thing will lead. But it is not our business to know, we just need to follow. Then once we complete step one, He will show us step two. But I also wondered how I would even know what step one was. It is hard to describe but sometimes you just know something is right, so that is one way. But what if I'm sure I know something is right but I'm actually going the opposite way God wants me to? The bible says, "The Lord is my Shephard..." Psalm 23:1. If you've ever watched a sheep dog at work, the sheep try to go the way they want or think is right but if they are going the wrong way the dog gets in front of them and turns them. As long as we are willing to do God's will and praying that He will lead us, He will not let us go astray as long as we are trully seeking Him. That doesn't mean we won't encounter obstacles, but that He will make sure we get to where He wants us, even though we don't know where we are going. But we have to always be praying and seeking His will.

I'm writing this because we thought for sure that God wanted us to go to Albuquerque to share the gospel with the Pueblo tribe there. But like a shephard He has turned us a different way. He has showed us that the church where we at here needs people willing to work. That there is work for us to do here. That doesn't mean that we were necessarily wrong in wanted to go to Albuquerque. Maybe we are supposed to go later. All I know is that for now we are to stay here. Our pastor has aldready said he would love to adopt a people group to reach out to. And maybe those people could be the Pueblo people. We have taken the first step and now we wait for God to show us the second.

Children Are Expensive - But Maybe Not As Much As You Might Think

2009-07-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

So I know you've heard all the estimates about how must it takes to raise a child from birth to 18. I can't remember the numbers off hand but it was a lot. I don't think those numbers are realistic though, or at least they don't have to be. Honestly having kids is not as expensive as I thought it would be. Here is how we do it on one modest income:

1) Food: Like I mentioned in a recent post I only usually fix one elaborate dinner a week. We eat the leftovers from that for one or two nights. This saves a lot of money. The other dinners for the week are usually spaghetti a couple nights (super cheap) and rotissarie chicken a couple nights (also super cheap). We don't buy a lot of extras when we shop. We very rarely buy soda, chips, or junk food. I usually buy generic unless I really don't like the taste.

2) Clothes: This can be a huge expense for kids. But I have found that the grandparents have bought a ton of clothes for them. Also, I have a lot of friends who have older boys that give me their hand me downs. We have only had to buy 2 outfits for each of them since they were born! If we ever do have to buy clothes I try to buy the ones on sale or shop at thrift/consignment shops. I don't care about name brands usually.

3) Shelter: We wanted to make sure we stayed within our budget, that I could stay home, and that we would have a little extra leftover each month. This means we had to make compromises. We got a smaller, older fixer upper home. But don't get me wrong. Our house is not a dump, is in a pretty nice neighborhood, and once we fixed it up looked great. Our mortgage right now is only $500 a month! We have done a lot of the work on it ourselves which saved a lot. Most of the work it has needed has been cosmetic. It is only 1500 square feet. But it suits our needs. And that means I have less house to clean. =) We will probably have to move up to a bigger house in 2 to 4 years. But by then we will have payed off some of the house and after fixing it up should be able to make enough to put a downpayment on a bigger house. To rent a place like this would probably cost at least twice that much.

4) Transportation: We usually try to buy used cars. We did buy a brand new van but we expect it will last us a long time. We try to wait for deals. For instance we bought our van with 0% interest for the entire length of the loan (5 years). Also, we drive our cars until they can't be driven any more. Since doing that we now own two cars but will only have 1 payment come February.

5) Entertainment: We rarely eat out and when we do we pick places that are cheap. We usually only buy the boys one or two toys for their birthday or Christmas. The grandparents buy them plenty of toys so we feel like they don't need many more.

6) College: The estimates on how much money it takes to raise a child don't include college but I thought I would mention what we plan to do. When the twins are about 10 years old or a little older I plan on going back to work. My entire salary will go towards all the kids college funds. We have already figured that we will be able to save enough in time for them all to go to college for 4 years instate. If they want to go out of state they will either have to get a scholarship, work a little, or take out a loan themselves. And if worse came to worse they could go to community college a few years and take their core classes and then transfer to the school they want for the last 2 years. We definitely wanted to make sure that we could pay for their college. It is very hard to get a job without a college degree and paying for college on your own is a huge stress and burden. We wanted to give this gift to our kids. Now if they want to go on and get their graduate degrees, that is up to them.

All these sacrifices are well worth the price. =)

Birthday Party

2009-07-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

The boys went to their first birthday party today and had a blast. The party was outside so it was a bit difficult to juggle 3 kids and keep them from running into the street, which they tried to do at least a million times. =) Thankfully I had people that wanted to hold the baby so it was like only having 2 kids.

And aside from Peter trying to eat all the food that was dropped on the garage floor and Isaac trying to eat the sidewalk chalk (hmmm..... maybe this is sign I need to feed them more) everything went smoothly. This gives me confidence to host a party for them this year. I can't believe they will be turning 2 in 6 weeks! I don't think I will be able to call them babies anymore, but of course they will always be my babies in my heart.

I didn't get any pictures because the batteries in my camera were dead. But here are some recent ones.

Ian

A tisket a tasket, Isaac in a basket

Isaac still wants to be the baby sometimes. =)

Peter loves to hide. Here are some of his favorite places.

Progress

2009-07-21T19:46:00.001-07:00

Peter had a great therapy session yesterday and today. He gets developmental therapy once a week and speech therapy every other week. During developmental therapy he imitated sounds and clapped for the therapist for the first time. He makes sounds all the time but he will not imitate until yesterday.

Then today during speech therapy he said a new word, "more." She had a candy that you spray in your mouth. And while I never give my kids candy I'll do anything to get him to speak. And it worked! He would say more every time he wanted some more. She said she also heard him try to say down and maybe hi. I have a feeling he is going to be saying all kinds of stuff before he turns 2. I'm so excited! He was making no progress for the longest time. He's been in therapy since about April.

He still has a long way to go but I'm hopeful that perhaps he will be caught up by the time he is 3.

How Do You Do It?

2009-07-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

I get this question a lot. Yes, I am busy and it is stressful sometimes but there are people out there with way more on their plate than I have. I try to remember that whenever I am tempted to complain. But here is a little summary of how I "do it". I think sometimes people think of me as a super mom. But I'm not and here is some of the proof.

1) I don't exclusively breastfeed my babies. I would love to but with the twins it was so hard and they were my first babies. Also they had real trouble gaining weight so I gave it up after only a few weeks. With Ian things were better but it is really hard trying to nurse a baby with 2 toddlers constantly demanding your attention. I exclusively breastfed him for 3 months then slowly dropped feedings till he was on all formula by 5 months.

2) I have a strict schedule that I follow. When the boys were newborns they ate at the same time everyday. If I had tried to do on demand feedings all I would have been doing was feeding babies. Ian is on a schedule too. It is way easier that way. I find the boys are less cranky when they know what to expect. I think it helps with sleeping too as all my babies have slept 12 hours straight by the time they were 5 months.

3) I cook for my family but it is usually very simple. One day a week I will cook a meal that takes a lot of preparation. We eat the leftovers from that one or two nights a week. But the other nights we either eat spaghetti or I pick up a rotissarie chicken. I love to cook but we decided to do things this way for budget reasons and because sometimes I am just too tired to cook.

4) I don't nap when the babies nap and I get a day off every week. First of all I couldn't nap even if I wanted to because it takes me forever to fall asleep. But mainly I don't nap because I use that time to clean or take a break. Also, my inlaws take all 3 boys every Tuesday from 9:30am till dinner time. That has been a lifesaver. I found my mood was much lighter after they started doing this. This is a recent thing. Unfortunately that is going to end come August because my mother in law got a teaching job. We're very happy for her but I'm going to miss my Tuesdays. =) My father in law has graciously offered to still take the older boys which will still give me a break.

5) I don't go too many places with the babies and I NEVER take them shopping. As you can imagine it is very hard to get 3 babies ready to go and in and out of the car by myself. So we really don't get out much. And when we do it is usually to friends houses or other places where they can be contained. Because it stands to reason that one of them would go one way and the other another way. I just don't have that many hands. As they get older I'm sure this will change. This is one thing that I feel I have missed out on. I want to take them swimming, I want to take them a lot of places but I just don't think I can manage it. And I never take the babies shopping with me. I get groceries after Micah gets home or on Saturdays when he can watch the kids. It is not worth the hassle and I will never have to listen to them beg me to buy something. Also, it is like my hour of solitude every week. I used to hate grocery shopping but now I actually like it.

6) I don't clean my house every week. It is never filthy but it is usually always cluttered. You'll never come over to my house and find everything neat and put away. There are usually childrens toys strewn about the living room, dirty dishes in the sink, laundry in piles on the laudry room and sometimes bedroom floor, papers on the desk...

So there you have it. I'm sure there are other things I could think of but those were the main things that came to mind.

Job Update

2009-07-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

So the latest word (although I'm taking this with a grain of salt because they are constantly chaning their minds) is that the plant will not be closing down at all. Apparently the union has a contract that says as long as they are getting a certain type of order that they must stay open. I am a little worried though that this may mean they will cut salaries again because they are not getting enough orders to pay everyone. But it is all in God's hands. He has taken care of us before. He will take care of us again.

Kroger Employee

2009-07-19T19:39:00.001-07:00

Kroger should be paying me a salary. When I got groceries yesterday 3 people asked me where stuff was. And that's not the first time this has happened. Usually each time I go I have one person ask me where something is. Sometimes I'll overhear someone saying they can't find such and such and I'll pipe up and tell them where it is.

So......where is my paycheck? =)

A Scare & A New Home

2009-07-19T19:29:00.001-07:00

First the scare. We were just about to leave for church this morning and Micah was carrying Ian to his carseat. I was in the other room. Soundly I hear some shuffling, a bang, then Micah yells "Oh no!", and then Ian crying. My heart just stopped.

I ran in there and Micah was picking Ian up off the floor. Micah has slipped on a book the older boys had left on the floor and Ian slipped out of his hands. I was so scared at first. Ian cried for 10 minutes straight. He seemed a little limp at first and was a little pale but I think it was just the shock of it all. We were monitoring him all day to see if his eyes were dialated or if he started vomiting. But he is just fine now. I think that took a few years off my life.

So now all 3 boys have taken hard falls. Oh and by the way we have hardwood floors. Peter had his when he was only about 3 months old. He hadn't rolled over yet and I left him in his boppy on the couch while I went to change Isaac's diaper. Well I heard a thump and a cry. He had decided to pick that time to roll over. Then Isaac rolled off the changing table while my mom was changing him.

Now about our new home. Today we joined Flatwoods Baptist Church. It feels so good to be a member of a church again. A place just doesn't feel like home to us until we join a church. Great things are happening there. The pastor has been there less than a year and he is so on fire for the Lord. We can't wait to get involved. More on that to come later.

Thrown A Curve Ball

2009-07-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted recently about going to Albuquerque because things have been changing. Just when we thought we knew what we were doing we are back to being confused again. The thing is the church we are about to become members of here is about to go through a big transformation. The pastor is just on fire for God and has a great vision for the church. He wants to reach out to the community in a big way. He wants to meet their physical and spiritual needs.

I guess I never really viewed the area around here as a mission field. I thought that this was a pretty Christian area. But there are lost people everywhere. And from the pastor's research it looks like there are at least 18,000 people in the area that do not go to church. That is a lot. And not only is he committed to reaching out to the local community but he also wants the church to be globally minded and reach out to other people groups.

And this is where the conundrum comes in. The pastor has talked with us several times now about how much the church needs people like us who have a heart for missions. That he can see the church working through us to send people down to the Native Americans to minister.All along in this process we have been asking God to make it abundantly clear on whether we are supposed to move down there or not. And that if we are taking the wrong path that He would stop us. Well now all these things are coming up and it feels like there is a really big need for us here.

Is this God's way of telling us that we are meant to stay here and just go on short term mission trips down to the Native Americans? Or are we supposed to stay here for a few more years going on short term mission trips and then move down there? Or is this all a distraction and we need to just keep on focusing on going down there?We still don't know yet. But more and more I am getting the feeling that God wants us to stay here, at least for now. I just don't know. All I know is that I do not want to make a mistake. I don't want to go against God's will. I just hope and pray that God honors that request.

It doesn't help that both of our parents have not been very supportive throughout this whole thing. Micah's parents feel we shouldn't go. That we need to make a list of pros and cons. But honestly if this is what God wants us to do then the pros and cons shouldn't matter. They think it is just another crazy scheme that Micah thought up. But we know that this is not so. This has been the result of much prayer.

And then there's my parents. I am almost positive my dad and siblings are not saved. I've never really been sure about my mom although I'm leaning towards her not being saved. The reason being is that many times I have said we feel that this is God's will and that if that is so then we need to go. And each time she has said no we don't. Now granted we have free will and can choose to disobey God but why would we want to do that? It just makes me so mad. I know that both our families have good intentions, but it would be nice to get some support every now and then.

Letters To My Children

2009-07-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

I wanted to do something special for my children. Something they could keep forever and cherish. Something from the heart that might be able to cheer them up a bit when they were down. So I decided to write letters to my children.

I got the biggest spiral notebooks I could find, one for each child. And I write them letters. The first letter in each child's book is about how much we wanted them and prayed for children. Isaac and Peter's first letters also tell a bit about the struggle we had to have children. It also has my thoughts and feelings about them on the day they were born.

I plan on trying to write them each 1 letter a month. I may tell them a funny story about something they did recently or just tell them how much I love them, or share some words of wisdom with them.

I don't plan on giving them their letters till their wedding day or when they go off to college. I haven't really decided yet when I'll give them their notebooks. But it won't be for a very long time. I may choose to give them to them earlier in their teenage years if they seem to be really struggling. I just wanted them to have something tangible to show them how precious they are to me.

Mr. Independent & My Little Helper

2009-07-17T19:52:00.001-07:00

First off... thought my blog needed a makeover. What do you think of the new look?

Isaac has become so much more indenpendent lately. He can now climb up the little slide we have and slide down all by himself. And to think he's only been walking for 2 months now. Guess we didn't need to worry.

And today he was my little helper. He grabbed Peter's cup off the floor and brought it to him saying, "Here! Here!" Only when Peter didn't seem interested he started shoving it into his face and saying "HERE! HERE!" Hmmm... We'll have to work on that but it was still sweet. And he also tried to feed Ian today. He grabbed an empty bottle out of the cubbard and brought to Ian while he was in his jumper. Except instead of putting the bottle in his mouth it was kind of going in his eye and up his nose but at least he knows what to do with the bottle. And I thought he wasn't even paying attention. Such a sweet guy. =)

And I Thought Michelle Duggar Was Busy!

2009-07-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

I used to think that Michelle Duggar was the busiest mother in the US. Until I talked to Isaac's physical therapist. She also sees an amish boy who is one of 17 children. And since they're Amish that means there is no dish washer, washing machine, they have to make their clothes, grow their own food, etc... Oh and one of the 17 children has down syndrome and requires many hours of therapy. All I can say is, wow. Every time I have a hard day and I'm tempted to give up I just think of her.

Oh and I'm sure everyone has heard of mommy brain. The phenomenon where a mommy loses brain cells after having children. And the more children you have have the more brain cells you lose. Well I have proved that there is such a thing as daddy brain too. Here are some examples: About a month ago Micah was picking up the alphabet books and counting them to make sure he had them all. After he counted the 26th one he said, "Where are the other half?" =) And a couple of nights ago he got out a knife to spread something and said, "I'll have to get another spoon, this one is dirty." =)

I Know It's Normal, But I Still Feel Bad

2009-07-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

Everyone who I've talked to who has more than one kid says that they didn't take as many pics of the 2nd, 3rd, etc... kids as they did of the first. It totally makes sense. After all you have less time to take pics. Also, you've been there done that so you may feel like you don't need to take as many.

I promised that I wouldn't do that though. I was going to take as many pics of Ian as I did of the boys. Well I've already failed at that. There is one month where I only took 5 pics of Ian. I suppose thats ok but it still feels like I missed some moments or I've cheated him somehow. Strangely enough though I've had more professional pics done of Ian than I have of the boys.

Also, I completely stopped breastfeeding right when he turned 5 months old. I had only been nursing him one time a day for the last month anyway so I just gave it up all together. I got sick back in April and my supply never fully recovered. Also, I think I have a love hate relationship with nursing. I love the closeness of it, the fact that it's free, and that he's getting really good nutrition. But a lot of times it is quicker to feed him a bottle. Also, I don't have to leave to feed him in the middle of church or a restaurant. I feed him way longer than I did the boys. And hopefully if we have another I can go even longer.

And on a completely unrelated note, I am very close to being back to my prepregnancy weight. I went back on weight watchers after Ian was born but I was so unmotivated. I kept cheating and of course I wasn't losing anything. Now I'm keeping a weekly food log and exercising 4 days a week and it's working! I have about 10 lbs to go. But I'm not going to stop there. My goal is to lose about 30 more lbs after that.

Some much overdue pics of the boys:

One of Ians first real smiles. =)

Ian the French Chef. "NO! Zees soup is all wrong!"

Ians 2 month chair pic

Isaac petting a chick with Papaw at the family easter party

Peter petting the chick with Uncle Zack

Boys Update

2009-07-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

First Ian: He is changing so fast. Sometimes I want to hold them back just a little. I love the baby stage so much. He has lost most of his baby fine hair and is getting in big boy hair. Makes him look like he has a military cut. So cute! I realize I have posted pics in forever and I promise some soon.

He is so vocal. He loves to babble and have "conversations". =) Especially with his daddy. I think it is because he doesn't see his daddy as much so he likes to tell daddy about his day.

He tried rice cereal for the first time on Saturday. Unfortunately I wasn't there to see cause I was grocery shopping. But Micah said he absolutely loved it! He said Ian was just slurping it up like it was his last meal. It took the other boys more time to get used to it but I think it was because we started them too early. We started them at 4 months. Ian didn't start till he was 5 months 1 week. I think that made all the difference. The spoon didn't phase him at all.

He is such a good sleeper. All my boys have been pretty good. The twins started sleeping 12 hours by the time they were 4 months. Ian has been sleeping 12 hours for the past 3 weeks. But the difference is that with the boys we had to use the cry it out method. We never even had to do that with Ian. One night he just decided he was going to sleep all the way through and he's been doing it ever since. He will cry sometimes but it is usually just a few minutes and he just falls asleep. I think God knows I need a break and has been merciful to us in the sleep department. =)

He interacts so much more now. He is grabbing things and manipulating things. He is also starting to interact with his brothers now. Before it was just the twins noticing and touching him. But now Ian will smile at them and watch them so intently. I think he can't wait till he can be up and running with them.

Speaking of that he is so strong! He started being able to squiggle across the floor the day he turned 5 months old. I think he will commando crawling in a month! Yikes! I am so not used to this. Peter didn't start walking till he was 17 months and Isaac was about 20 months. Ian can already stand on his legs with me just holding onto him with one hand. I think he will be sitting by himself in another month. He needs to slow down!

Now Isaac. He is doing great and I think will be released from therapy in Sept when he turns 2. We are so thrilled! Oh and he has a new lovey. He carries a toy basketball around with him all day. It is about the size of a tennis ball and he eats with it, sleeps with it, takes baths with it. Heaven forbid someone were to take his ball. Whenever he looses it he walks around the house calling: "Ball! Where are you?" The other day he was doing this and as the seconds went by with him not finding it he started to get angry at ball. It suddenly became "BALL!!! Where are you!!!" =)

Peter. He now sings. Well I should say hums. His favorites are ABC song and the Sponge Bob Squarepants theme song. He also started clapping the other day. I hope he continues to do that.

Quick Update On Micah's Job

2009-07-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

We found out on Friday that the plant Micah works at will stay open through at least the end of August. That is a big relief. So now we know that we will be ok financially through the end of the year. I think the plant is taking things on a month by month basis. Probably around August 1st they will assess whether or not they can stay open another month or if they will go ahead and shut down around that date.

So Much Going On

2009-07-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

First off we spent the 4th of July in the Hampton Roads area in VA. Unfortunately Micah woke up with a migraine on Friday, the day we left. It lasted all day till he went to bed. I also walked in to the boys room that morning to find that Isaac had thrown up in his crib. Thankfully he was feeling great though. But once we got there we had so much fun and got to see so many of our friends. The only bad part was that the trip was too short. We tried to pack too much into 2 days. Starting at 12pm on Saturday people from our old church started coming over to my friend Trina's house for a picnic. The party lasted until well after 6pm. It was great. There were at least 15 adults there and 9 kids. If we do this again sometime there will be at least 12 kids since 3 of the ladies there were expecting. It is so fun to see peoples families expanding. Of course the boys really didn't get a nap that day.

Then Sunday was a complete whirlwind but it was good. I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad stomach. I didn't end up feeling better till dinner that night. So we didn't get to go to Sunday School like we wanted but we did make it to church. A lot of people were gone for the holiday but we still got to see some people. Right after church we went out to lunch with some friends. Then we took the boys home for a quick nap. And then it was time to meet my friend Meredith (who I've known since I was 5) and her husband for dinner. Then it was back to my friend Trina's house and to bed. Whew! We drove back on Monday. I think next time we go we are going to stay for 3 whole days especially since our friends are more spread out now.

The visit was good for me for other reasons too. I think it is no secret that I've been wanting to move back there for a while now. I have so many good friends in that area. And I really missed the church we used to go to. But after visiting I realized that even if we moved back things would not be the same. Like I said, everyone is more spread out now so it would be hard to see some people anyways. Also, the church has changed so much. It is still a great church and we would attend there if we moved back but it is definitely going through a change and a new phase. So I am now completely at peace with not going back. Although I was said to leave, I was not as sad as I thought I would be.

As far as my numbness, I am pretty sure it is my back. Although I think I might also be having some circulation issues, but I don't think they can do much for that. I went to a chiropracter last week. He took some X-rays and found all kinds of problems. First of all my next is completely straight when it should have a curve. This means I carry my head too far forward and it is like having my head weigh twice as much which puts a lot of strain on my muscles. He also found scoliosis, which I already knew I had. And in my low back it has a little too much curve and is pinching one of my nerves. I had been having pain down there for a while and my other chiropracter never mentioned a pinched nerve. So I'm really happy with this one. He said if nothing was done about this that in about 30 years I would be leaning really far to the right and would start to get a hump on my back, like you see on some old ladies. Also in just 5 years I would start to get some disc degeneration. I was completely surprised when he told me that he could probably fix my problems permanently! Over a span of 3 months and 40 visits within those 3 months he is basically going to reshape my back and next using weights and having my lay on different shaped cushions. I've only had one treatment session so far and I can already tell a difference in my neck. The treatment is expensive but so worth it. I am so excited.

A Leap Of Faith

2009-06-27T20:25:00.000-07:00

Now that we know where we are going, we feel like we just need to go whether Micah has a job or not. After all, come August 1st he won't have a job anyway so we might as well be where God wants us. Now it seems so much more real and so much more scary. I don't feel ready for this but I will probably never be ready. We have a lot of work to do on the house before it can go on the market but we hope to put the For Sale sign up before July is over. We have bought a house before but never sold one so this is going to be interesting. It is so much more complicated. Of course we are still praying that Micah would get a job before we go down there but we are trying really hard to be patient.

And on an unrelated note I have been a bit concerned about my health lately. My extremeties have been going numb and tingly, kind of like they do when they fall asleep. Except it is almost constant. Especially my right pointer finger. It is almost completely numb. It's been like this for a few days now and it is not getting better. I will call a doctor before the week is over if it is still not improving. I'm really hoping that it is not anything too serious.

Also we are getting ready to going on a trip this Friday to visit some friends in Hampton Roads VA. I can't wait! It has been more than a year since I've seen them and they'll get to meet Ian.

Final Destination

2009-06-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

God has revealed to us the city he wants us to go to and it is Albuquerque NM. So now Micah is just looking in that city only. It feels good to know exactly where we are supposed to be. Now we just need to get there. =) I don't know how long it will take but it will be good to get it all over with.

We are hoping now that we know where we are going that God will reveal to us what he wants us to do. We still feel very strongly that God wants us to work with the Native Americans there, specifically the Pueblo people. But we are not sure is he wants us to start a church there or work with an existing church to start a ministry to that people.

Something interesting came up on Sunday though. Our pastor knows about our plans and he would love for some members of the congregation to go on short term mission trips out there. So hopefully once we get going we can set that up. We could also contact Micah's parents church and our church back in Hampton Roads to see if people there feel led to volunteer. We love our pastor. He has such a great world vision. He loves to see people from the congregation going all over the world spreading the gospel. It is not a very big church at all. There are usually less than 100 people there on Sundays. But there is a woman who has been to South America as a missionary from our church and also a guy that has gone to Ethiopia from our church.

We still have not told Micah's parents about all this. We are trying to think of the best time and way to tell them because we know it will be very hard for them to hear.

And just a quick note on Peter, he sang his first song last week. Well I should say he hummed it. =) He hums Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. It is so sweet. So he still can't talk but he can sing.

I Needed To Hear That

2009-06-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

It is absolutely amazing to see how God is revealing his plan bit by bit to us. After more praying we feel like God is leading us to narrow the job search down even further. Now Micah is only looking in Phoenix AZ and Albuquerque NM. He is still doing a quick country wide search every night but he is really focusing on those two cities. In particular we feel drawn to Albuquerque but we will see what happens.

I have all sorts of emotions. Extreme excitement, nervousness, fear, anxiety, anticipation.... One of the hardest parts is waiting. I just want to know what's going to happen. I have to remind myself daily that God's timing is perfect. I have seen that over and over but I am still so impatient.

One of the biggest things I am dealing with is adjusting to the fact of living in such a different place. Both of those cities are in the desert, although Phoenix is definitely more desert-like than Albuquerque. Albuquerque actually gets a little snow in the winter. But still, both places are a very dry environment with very little grass and trees. It will take a lot of getting used to. The only places I have ever lived have been very green. I may not be able to have a vegetable garden which is something I have come to love. But all these are small sacrifices. I definitely will not miss the humidity though. =) And even though they are both desert areas, they are very beautiful. Both cities are surrounded by mountains.

Also family would be so far away. We could still drive to Micah's parents but it would take 2 days to get there. We would not be able to drive to my parents. It would take 3 days to do that. So we would have to fly every time we wanted to see them. And at $150 a ticket it is not cheap.

But we had my pastor and his family over for dinner yesterday and after talking to his wife I feel a little better. I had asked her how she knew they were supposed to come here (and how they knew they were supposed to go to NY City, where they were before they came here). She said that little things just confirmed to them that it was the right move. Things just worked themselves out. But she said that she was not excited about moving here at all (and wasn't excited about moving to NY City either). She had grown up in or around the city her whole life and there was nothing to do here. There was no excitement. But after they moved, got settled, and started their ministry things turned out to be great. She said the lack of things to do, the type of house they could afford, etc... were really small sacrifices to make for Gods kingdom.

I really needed to hear that. Sometimes I get so caught up in how big of an ajustment this move is going to be, whether we can afford a house, whether I'll make friends, etc.... that I really start get anxious and start to doubt. But that should not be my focus. The Bible says, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness...." and if we do that then "....all these things shall be added unto you." Just like Peter when he was walking on the water I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and not on the waves all around me.

4 Month Checkup & A Clearer Vision

2009-06-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Ian had his 4 month well check today and it went great. He gained 3 pounds in 2 months and now weighs 13lbs 2oz. He is in the 25 - 50th percentile in height but only the 10 - 25th percentile in weight so he is long and lean. =) He did have to get 3 shots today but he did great. Oh and his picture is on display in the mall. It is with some other photos showcasing some JC Pennys portraits.

Onto the clearer vision. After much talking and prayer we feel like we may be getting an idea of what God wants us to do. We feel he wants us to minister to the Native Americans. They are a largely unreached people group. It would be a great challenge but we will do whatever God calls us to do.

This greatly limits the areas of the country where Micah will be searching for jobs. We still feel like God is calling us to a fairly large city of at least 100,000 but probably more like at least 500,000. There are not many cities in the country that large that are also within a short driving distance of reservations. So here are the cities we found and that Micah is searching in: Phoenix AZ, Tucson AZ, Albuquerque NM, Flagstaff AZ, Billings MT, and Green Bay WI. He is still doing some quick searches all over the country in case God has a different place in mind for us. But we both just feel such a great peace about this. We can't wait to see what God is going to do.

Ian & Ministry Update

2009-06-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

Well today Ian started rolling from his back to his tummy so now he can roll both ways. I have a feeling he will be rolling all over the house soon. =) I think he's going to prefer sleeping on his stomach too.

Oh and I have to share a sweet story someone told me last night. A mom in my MOPS group says her 8 year old son loves going to MOPS because of the babies. She asked him which babies and he said the twin babies. He told her that Peter kept going over to him and wanting hugs and to be held. Her little boy loved snuggling Peter. I thought it was so sweet. I have a feeling her son will make a great daddy one day.

Micah and I had a long talk last night. We both kind of feel like we still aren't going about finding a job & ministry in the right way. Before our search was too limited. We were only searching the 3 cities where we would be comfortable. That was a mistake. So then Micah expanded his job search to be over the whole country. Now we feel like our search is too broad. Could God still lead us to where He wants us to be? Absolutely. But searching anywhere and everywhere might mean it would take longer than it should. The reason we expanded our search so much was that we didn't want to be biased. We didn't want to not search somewhere just because we didn't like the city. We just want to go where God wants us.

So we've decided to see if we can find where there is the most need for churches. Micah started by only considering metro areas of 600,000 or more. We definitely both feel drawn towards a bigger city because there are more opportunities and more people. That narrowed it down to about 100 areas in the country. Then we looked to see which areas had the fewest # of people that attended a protestant (not sure if I spelled that right) church. That elminiated a lot of cities. And then Micah also crossed out those that had a low # of hispanic people. He really feels drawn to ministering to that people group. He knows some spanish and has been on a mission trip to Mexico and just feels led in that direction. So that should give us a decent # of cities that we will pray over. Hopefully God will reveal to us fairly quickly where he wants us to be.

I must admit there are some places on that list that I really don't want to live in: New York City area, New Orleans area, and California. I think California is a beautiful state but it would be so far away from family and friends, we might as well live in a foreign country. But if that's where God wants us then that's where we will go.

Boys & Job Update

2009-06-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

First Ian. He is changing so fast and I feel like he wants to be a big boy so bad. He started laughing last week and holding his own bottle! The older boys never really mastered holding their bottles till they were at least 8 months old. And Ian is mostly breastfed so it's not like he gets much practice with a bottle. He also loves making raspberry noises. =) He hates lying down and instead loves stitting in the bumbo seat or having me support him while he stands on his legs. He's been putting weight on his legs since he was about 5 wks old. He just can't wait to be able to keep up with his brothers.

Isaac. He is just talking up a storm. I feel like he learns new words every day. His favorites are ball, Uh-Oh, and Where are you? The other day we were reading bible stories and his response to the fact that Hannah couldn't have children at first was 'Uh Oh!' Those moments are priceless.

Peter. Well we are absolutely thrilled! Peter said his first word Friday June 5th. And of course it was 'Uh Oh!' He is also making more sounds and babbling more. I am very excited that he is starting to make progress. I was beginning to think he would never talk.

Job search. Well still no calls yet but it's only been 2 weeks since Micah started looking. In the past it has taken him about 7 months to find a job. We are really hoping it doesn't take that long this time because starting August 1st he will no longer have a job. Thankfully his July paycheck will carry us all the way through August. He will also start being able to collect unemployment. We figure that with unemployment and what we have in savings we should be good through November. Our main concern is insurance. We still haven't heard what is going to happen with that. So that gives us about 6 months for him to find a new job. I'm hoping it will take 5 or less but we'll see. He has applied all over the country so it will be interesting to see where we end up. Here are some of the places he has applied at so far: Indianapolis IN (4 and a half hours from us and my second choice), Huntington WV (about a 40 min drive from us), Gardena CA, Rancho Cucamonga CA, Orangeburg SC, Anoka MN, Las Cruces NM, Taylor Mill KY (only about 3 hrs from us and my first choice), Smithfield RI, Summit Argo IL (a suburb of Chicago), Columbia MD (where my parents and siblings live), Fort Worth TX (my third choice), Columbus GA, and Wausaw WI. So when I say everywhere I mean everywhere. I alternate between excitement and nervousness. It is exciting to be going somewhere new. But there is some fear there because it is the unknown. I am just really trying to keep my focus on God and not my fears.

A New Chapter

2009-05-31T19:01:00.000-07:00

Micah and I both feel like God is starting a new chapter in our lives. When we first found out Micah was being layed off he started searching for jobs in 3 places: here, Hampton Roads VA, and Indianapolis IN. We have lived in all 3 places and like them fairly well. We mainly just didn't want to start all over again. At least all of these 3 places were familiar to us.

Well I started to get this nagging feeling in the back of my mind like something wasn't right. So I asked Micah one night if he thought there was one of those places that we shouldn't be looking. He said he would have to pray about it. So he prayed the next day over his lunch hour and when he came back from work his answer surprised me.

He said instead of feeling like we needed to limit our search further, he felt like God was telling him to expand his search. He felt like God was telling him to just search all over the country and that God would lead us where he wanted.

He also felt like God was telling him that He had a specific ministry in mind for us and that Micah thought it might be helping to start a church somewhere. We have been members of a LOT of churches in our seven years of marriage. We were members of 2 churches in Indianapolis, 1 church in Hampton Roads, and 2 churches here. That's almost 1 church for every year of marriage. And before I was married I had been a member of 3 different churches. So that makes 8 churches total.

Micah said he felt like God brought us to all these churches for many different reasons. Obviously one of the main ones was to grow us spriritually. But also to show us what things are good in a church and what things are not so good. What things grow a chruch spiritually and what things bring them down.

The churches we were members of were very diverse. I've been members of churches in 2 different denominations. I've been a member of city churches and country churches. Of very diverse churches and very non-diverse churches. Of legalistic churches and non-legalistic churches.

When Micah told me all these things they immediately made sense and I felt a great peace come over me. I knew this was the answer. I feel like we should have done this before we moved away from Hampton Roads. Because back then Micah only searched for jobs there and here. Perhaps if we had prayed more and been more open to God's will we would already be in the ministry God has for us. But we can't change the past and now that we know what we need to do we are excited. We have no idea where we will end up but we do know that it will be where God wants us. Praise Him!

Layed Off

2009-05-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

Well it happened. We got a letter this week letting us know that the plant will be completely shutting down the 1st of August and every single employee will be layed off. I am glad that they gave us pretty good notice.

I have mixed feelings about all of this. Of course I was a little upset but was not as upset as I thought I would be. I think that is due to two things. First God has always taken care of us and he will this time too. Secondly, this scenario was always in the back of our minds for the past 6 months.

I'm not really worried about the money. I think I'm more concerned about insurance. We're supposed to get a letter soon that will tell us what is going to happen to our benefits.

But mostly I'm sad that Micah is going to have to look for a new job. Although this job was not perfect, he really liked the people he worked with, especially his boss. Also the job had AWESOME benefits. I seriously doubt his next job will have anything even close to the benefits he had.

But if I had to list my biggest concern, it is that I don't know where we are going to end up. Of course Micah will look for jobs here, but the job market here is small enough to begin with. And now he will be competeing against a lot of the people that were layed off. He is also going to look in the Hampton Roads area, where we used to live before we moved here. I think I'm the most scared about ending up in some place totally unfamiliar. I thought we were done doing that. I was looking forward to settling down. We have moved every two and a half years since we were married 7 years ago this July. In October it will be two and a half years since we lived here and we may have to pick up and leave again. But we are putting our faith in God and trusting that he will bring us to the place that he wants us to be.